Episode Report Card
Demian: A+ | 6 USERS: A+
The Last Temptation Of The Hardy Boys

In any event, Dean sweeps Jessica up into a hug so enthusiastic and bone-crushing that she's forced to bleat, "Can't breathe!" into his ear, and poor Li'l Stumpy. Sam's girlfriend is as tall as he is. Hee. So the boys get to talking, and from Sam's perspective, Dean's weirdly overenthusiastic about everything and probably drunk, and from Dean's perspective, Sam's a little stand-offish and grumpy, but it matters not to El Deano, who's simply overjoyed that Sam and Jess are still together and still at Stanford, where Sam's in the middle of earning his law degree. One problem: Sam and Jess actually flew in from California because it's Mary's birthday -- the first, presumably, since her worthless bastard of a husband died last fall. Don't tell Sam that Dean forgot about it! Dean gulps.

Soon enough, however, the entire family (plus Carmen) has gathered to celebrate at some chi-chi dining establishment, where the waiter serves El Deano a plate of crudité. Dean LIES that it looks awesome, but everyone giggles at him, because they all know he hates crap like that. Sam, resplendent in suit and tie, offers a toast to their dear, darling, uncrispified mother, and the group clinks its glasses together. Sam and Jess share a smooch under Dean's approving eye before Carmen leans in to his ear and whispers, "Whaddya say later we get you a cheeseburger?" "Oh, God, yes!" Dean whispers back. He gazes into her eyes and marvels, "How did I end up with such a cool chick?" "I just got low standards," she jokes with a shrug, and the two snicker at each other and kiss. Their little moment's interrupted by one for Sam and Jess, though, and yes, of course, after Sam announces they have one more surprise for Mary's birthday, Jess flashes her engagement ring. The entire table leaps up to hug each other and whatnot, but when it's Dean's turn to congratulate Sam with a sincere, "I'm really glad you're happy," we get Sign Number Eight That Things Are Not Quite Right With El Deano: Sam greets this sentiment with a puzzled expression and more than a hint of his impressive bitchface. Unfortunately, we can't linger on the implications of that, because in Sign Number Nine That Things Are Not Quite Right With El Deano, tonight's Woman In White unexpectedly reappears to lurk by the restaurant's entrance, and to be honest, she's looking a little worse for the wear -- her skirt and blouse are filthy and torn, her hair's fallen into a tangled mess around her shoulders, and her arms and her face are streaked with dirt. Spotting her, Li'l Stumpy abruptly pushes past The Ginormotron and plows across the restaurant's floor, but by the time he's reached the entrance, The Woman In Now-Filthy White has once again disappeared. He wavers uncertainly before turning to face his family -- all of whom eye him like he's grown three additional heads -- until the camera leaps past his confused and uneasy expression to fall into the METAL TEETH CHOMP!

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