Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B- | 10 USERS: A-
The Hardy Boys Dick Around

As Sam and Dean walk to Metallicar, they discuss how convinced they are that Frank didn't have a heart attack. Why their pants aren't afire, I do not know. Sam recaps for us, because he's helpful, except when he's not (and we'll get to that soon enough). "Three victims, all with those same red scratches -- all went from jittery to terrified to dead within 48 hours." Dean says, "Something scared them to death?" Sam asks what can do that, and Dean says, "What can't? Ghosts. Vampires. Chupacabra. It could be a hundred things." Fan girls. Fan boys. Fan girls and fan boys. Irate fan girls. Irate fan boys. Irate fan girls and fan boys. Johnsons. Even though it would be seemingly endless, I guess they'll have to make a list and start crossing things off. Sam informs us the last person to see Frank alive was his neighbor Mark Hutchins, and Dean stops him. "Hang on." Sam asks why, and Dean looks down the street out of the corner of his eye. "I don't like the looks of those teenagers down there." We pan to Metallicar. Two boys on bikes and two boys on foot are meeting up and... talking cordially. Damn kids. Offa my lawn. They look all of 14-years-old. Dean says, "Let's walk this way," and leads Sammy the long way around to his car.

Mark Hutchins likes spiders, snakes, lizards, alligators (or possibly crocodiles) and Raoul's other friends and relations. He's seated in his living room opposite Sam and Dean. He has a -- look, I don't know snakes; it's a leopard spotted boa constrictor or an anaconda, or something huge and squeezy -- wrapped around his shoulders and neck. Mark notes the boys' fake names. "Tyler and Perry -- just like Aerosmith." Bless you, Mark. They need to get called on their crap every once in a while. Sam says it's a small world and asks about Frank. We learn Frank was a bit of a "dick" and a "bully" in high school -- the kind of guy who taped half the town's butt cheeks together, which makes Dean laugh -- definitely inappropriately -- possibly nostalgically. Mark explains that he was a citizen of the unfortunate half of town. Uncomfortable. Dean tries to recover, as Mark goes on to say that Frank got better over time. He lost his wife about 20 years ago, and was really broken up about it. Sure, that's two fewer cheeks at the ready. They ask if anyone would have wanted to get revenge on Frank, but Mark doesn't think so. When they ask if Frank was acting strange lately -- perhaps scared -- Mark tells them he'd been totally freaking about everything: Al-Qaeda; ferrets; artificial sweetener; those Pez dispensers with the dead little eyes. Oddly enough, there's no mention of the upcoming Presidential election, but The Wizard of Oz almost sent Frank over the edge the other night. Frank swore "that green bitch was out to get him." I have to sympathize with him, here. You know that scene in which they close in on her face? Nightmares for years, my friends. "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live," is canon for a reason. I'm just saying.

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