Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 4 USERS: A+
And The Hardy Boys Shall Make You Free

...Metallicar grumbles up outside. Dean would leap out immediately upon parking, I'm sure, were it not for the call he's just now receiving from Bendy Lisa. Uh-oh. Because he is a stumpy little bow-legged masochist, Dean does not allow the call to drop into voicemail, and instead answers to get an earful from the ex-girlfriend. "You wanna know the truth?" she begins. "You've got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down -- do you honestly think that you can go through life like that?" Dean remains silent, so Bendy Lisa continues, "Just, what? Drink half a fifth a night and you're good?" "You knew what you signed up for," he retorts, but she's got a better retort of her own: "Yeah, but I didn't expect Sam to come back. I'm glad he's okay -- I am -- but the minute he walked through that door, I knew it was over. You two have the most unhealthy, tangled-up, crazy thing that I've ever seen, and as long as he's in your life, you're never gonna be happy." Several points to Bendy Lisa. Even though she immediately apologizes afterwards for her tone. "Never apologize for that, you darling little orange woman!" Raoul? "Yes?!" Practice. "Ooops! Of course!"

Now, where was I? Oh, yes: Dean and Bendy Lisa continue to chat away at each other like that, with Bendy Lisa making several excellent points while Dean verbally flounders about by way of response, and in the end, she breaks up with him. Again. Only this time she, like, rilly rilly means it! Or something like that.

Meanwhile, Secretly Evil Sammy's discovered something interesting up in Pathetic Patient Zero's bedroom: A sewing box stuffed with a variety of disgusting implements of the voodoo trade, including a vial of graveyard dirt and the skull of a black cat. "Sorry, Mittens," Secretly Evil Sammy smirks.

Out on the stairs, Secretly Evil Sammy runs into Depressed El Deano, the latter of whom immediately corners his brother to ask, "When that vamp attacked me, why did you just stand there?" Secretly Evil Sammy unleashes The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes Of Pleading And Doom and LIES that he froze up in shock, or something, and by the time he was able to move again, it was already too late. And because even Dean is not immune to the power of The Super-Special Puppy-Dog Eyes Of Pleading And Doom, he believes every word out of Secretly Evil Sammy's secretly evil mouth. "He could just be stupid!" shrieks Raoul, and Raoul? "Yes?!" You must know that I secretly agree with you on that one, but if you want me to get to the abattoir at the end of this episode before we both die of old age, you'd best hold that forked tongue of yours for the next several minutes. "A whole big abattoir!? For me?! Really!?" Really. "I shall be as silent as the grave!" Oh, you can keep practicing. "Are you sure?!" I'm positive -- just stop interrupting me. "Okay! [Blaaaaat!]"

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