Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 4 USERS: A+
And The Hardy Boys Shall Make You Free

Back from the break I completely missed because I was too busy chatting with the imaginary lizard who lives with me on the Internet, we find Our Intrepid And/Or Secretly Evil Heroes back in This Week's Motel Room, where Secretly Evil Sammy's already figured out what's going on: Stupid Dead Cory killed her cat and stuffed its stripped skull into a sewing box with a variety of other disgusting implements of the voodoo trade in order to summon Veritas, the ancient goddess of truth, because Stupid Dead Cory wanted to know if her slutty boyfriend was fooling around behind her back. Unfortunately for everybody else in Calumet City, Veritas decided to stick around after sending Stupid Dead Cory to the latter's much-deserved early grave, so now whenever a person asks aloud for the truth, they unwittingly invoke the goddess, and we've seen how well that turns out for everyone involved. One additional detail of note is the fact that Veritas exacts a "tribute" from each of her victims, which likely explains the missing corpses, and which supposedly adds a bit of urgency to the matter at hand now that Dean's been infected as well. Fortunately, Veritas should be easy to find, given her penchant for "speaking truth to the masses." "She wants more than tribute," Secretly Evil Sammy explains. "She wants to be worshipped." "An attention whore," Dean realizes. "If you want to put it that way," Secretly Evil Sammy allows. "And what is the 21st-century version of 'speaking truth to the masses'?" Dean rhetorically wonders, for he already knows the answer to this one, for he's remembered that rather stiffly coiffed local investigative journalist from the bar's TV, and the next thing we know...

...the boys are paying a security guard to look the other way while they swipe a computer full of Ashley Frank's recent work from the WODH studios on the outskirts of town. They haul the thing back to This Week's Motel Room, hook it up to Secretly Evil Sammy's laptop, and proceed to watch fifty-eight hours' worth of raw Frank Talk footage, seemingly in real time. Finally, after Dean's consumed several boxes of doughnuts and at least one full pizza, Secretly Evil Sammy lands on a clip marred by the sudden, barky appearance of a ferocious-looking Doberman Pinscher in the background. Dogs, you see, are the goddess's sworn mortal enemies (just go with it), and when this one starts yapping away at her, Ashley Frank's carefully maintained fa├žade drops for the briefest of moments. Secretly Evil Sammy zooms in on her eyes, which have flashed a preternaturally blinding shade of blue, so the boys head back to the station that evening and surreptitiously follow Ashley Frank to her tastefully appointed manse deep within the lush coastal rainforests of downstate Illinois. They watch from afar as she enters to slink her way up to the manse's second floor, then slather a couple of hunting knives with dog's blood (don't ask) and tippy-toe into the foyer, where they find several cats lounging about on the expensive furnishings. One of the foul beasts mews at them and takes off down the stairs, so they of course follow the thing until they reach The Goddess's...

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