Amazing Race
We're Not At Charm School Learning How To Be A Gentleman, We're Racing

Episode Report Card
Miss Alli: A+ | 3 USERS: A+
To sleep, perchance to scream

Previously on I Didn't Get The Lobster Vote Because Of My Fishing Platform: It was time to say farewell to India and hello to Malaysia -- but not before taking a moment to get schooled in the finer points of airport strategy. Millie got a foot in the door and a door in the face, while the Chipsters gambled on a full flight and came up empty. Kelly and Jon spooned on the floor, Millie continued experimenting with sleep deprivation, and Chip and Reichen celebrated their anniversary by taking the big love for a walk in the park of the public eye. The Detour was all about communing with your inner Jacques Cousteau, and the Roadblock was surprisingly all about communing with your inner late-model Geena Davis. The batteries in Millie and Chuck's Double-Entendre Avoidance Device were deader than Roadblock eels, while Team Who worked on the "Big Fish, Little Fish" section of their enrichment workbooks. Al and ClownJon aced out the Chipsters for the first-place cruise after the Chipsters discovered that you couldn't get to the pit stop through the Twister game going on at the nearby birthday picnic. Kelly and Jon found out that one pushy guy and one woman who's looking like a swizzle stick these days will have a hard time pulling up a heavy lobster trap, so they Bald-Snarked the Detour and went fishing. Nevertheless, they arrived at the pit stop last, and were saved only by the fact that the leg turned out to be non-elimination. Tonight, the Chipsters, Team Who, Millie and Chuck, Kelly and BuffJon, and the clowns will throw down. "Who will be eliminated..." The Recording Industry Association of America announces that anyone who downloaded the most recent Christina Aguilera CD will be punished with a public flogging. And, of course, with listening to the new Christina Aguilera CD. "…Next?"

Credits. This Week's Fun Fact You Can Learn By Zaprudering The Credits With The Assistance Of TiVo: If a lizard with a red head offers to give you directions, he is not to be trusted. [BOMP.]

Commercials. You know, Ban really is your only defense against The Armpits Of Fire. Unless you want to see your favorite shirt go up in a blaze of sweat, stink, and cotton/poly blend, you'd better get your ass to Walgreen's. I don't know what you're waiting for -- there's already smoke coming out of your sleeves.

We fade up on a gorgeous, sunny beach, on what Phil tells us is Manukan Island, "just off the coast of Malaysian Borneo." For once, Phil has managed to show up in a normal blue shirt that actually looks like it wasn't made by his grandma, bought out of the back of a van, or stitched together from remnants found in the Wal-Mart notions aisle. In other news, as one of the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters pointed out, the rating up in the corner rates this episode as TV-14 for...Violence. Violence? I wonder if somebody missed the memo that "Killer Fatigue" is really just an expression. Or perhaps, after tonight, they ruled that it wasn't. Anyway, Phil brings us into the Eat/Sleep/Mingle segment, and in what is fast becoming the most notorious "mingle" shot of all time, some boy (other than Chip) reaches over and pinches Reichen's nipple. (I believe it's BuffJon, but I could be wrong.) I just want to say, for any of you who happen to meet me at some point, that I do not consider that an acceptable form of mingling. You have been warned. There is more hanging out on the beach as Phil re-explains the premise of the show, in case you just got here, or accidentally wandered over thinking Big Brother was on and are having trouble understanding why there isn't any peanut butter and no one is in the hot tub talking about the golden veto. Phil wonders whether Millie and Chuck's "personal differences" will inhibit their progress, and whether Kelly and BuffJon can climb out of last place after their most recent crummy finish.

2:05 AM. Al and ClownJon and Chip and Reichen share a communal rip-and-read. The clue tells them to take a marked boat back to the Kota Kinabalu boat jetty, and from there take a cab to Poring Hot Springs, where they'll be able to follow flags to the route marker. The way Al and ClownJon perk up at the word "hot springs," they're apparently expecting some kind of massage-spa treatment once they get there. You never know, I suppose. As the drunken cameramen wing down a dark road past a slumbering cow or two, Phil explains that the teams will have to cab it 78 miles to get to the hot springs. When they get there, they'll pass over a series of rope bridges a hundred feet off the ground in order to get to the clue box. Oy, rope bridges...that would give me such flashbacks to Project Adventure in seventh grade. I never could get myself to walk across that damn log. Not that I'm psychologically bruised beyond repair or anything. It only hurts when I balance. Anyway, as they leave the mat, Al says that they think positive, and that the other teams are always commenting on the fact that the clowns always seem to be enjoying themselves. Al describes this as an "edge up." I'm not sure I'm ready to endorse "edge up" on a grammatical or logical level, but I think he's right anyway. They board a flagged boat, closely followed by the Chipsters. As they ride the boat, Chip explains that he and Reichen are "clicking without even asking," and everything is currently going very well for them. He goes on to explain that they try to do things for each other and not annoy each other, because they realize "it's all for the same goal." I agree with Sars -- I'm developing quite the affection for Chip, who seems like kind of a mythical cross between a hottie and a real geek. My favorite thing!

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Amazing Race




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