The Practice
Awakenings

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And baby makes two?

The Firm. Let's remind everyone that the building blew up three days ago. Everything, and I mean, everything, down to the fancy moulding on the wall, is back to normal. In the immortal words of Cher Horowitz, "Like. Whatever." Michael, his lawyer, Ellenor, and The Lump are in the conference room. I'll bet you can't even smell the paint because The Firm never really blew up. Michael fully intended to go through with their deal. Ellie asks what's changed. He states, "Circumstances." How? Blah baby blah before he was thinking in terms of genetics, blah birthing blah in terms of sperm and egg, blah embryo blah then it becomes a person. Um, Ellenor interjects, "The idea was for it to become a person, Michael." Only her tone is really snotty. I can't really describe how snotty it actually is, but…it's really, really snotty. Like "government official never trained in the art of customer service" snotty. Blah it'll be my baby dee, no it won't blah, yes it will, no it won't. Michael's lawyer stops them from bickering: "Look. No one here wants to turn this into a big mess." Ellenor: "Well, that's exactly what your client is doing." Jimmy puts his hand on Ellenor's arm and chastises her for being so darn emotional. Michael's lawyer continues; they are looking for paternity, then joint custody. Ellenor jumps back in: "Absolutely not. I will not have my child raised in a split environment pulling her in two." McGinley cracks, "I'm here." And I think he's about to burst into a Barry White song DEK usually makes people dance to on Ally McBeal, but he just continues, "Right now. Trying to avoid going to court." She shuts him down. Essentially, they're going to court because there is no way in hell Ellie's going to give this photographer joint custody. He gives her the stink-eye. There is an awkward pause. Michael's lawyer, Ms. Garrett, offers to leave the room so Ellenor and her "Sperm Man" can work it out. Nope. No way. Again Michael insists he's not looking for a battle, or a battleship, maybe just The Love Boat, soon he'll be making another run -- oops, wrong show. The Single Mother's Symphony rises up to support Ellenor in its sisterhood. Some threats are made about having a "great fight" on their hands, and the adversaries leave the conference room. Jimmy turns to his weepy co-worker and says, "We may not win, Ellenor." Blah case law blah, the law in Massachusetts is untested, blah who cares blah, we're about to test it, blah dee blah maybe you should agree to some limited custody blah, no way, no how, not going to happen, we have a contract. But what if that contract doesn't hold up? Oh, good question, Jimmy; now shut up and just do what Ellenor wants you to do.

Breathe. Just relax. Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Count to ten. Squeeze my hand. Oh, right, no one's giving birth. We're just waiting for the end of commercials.

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The Practice

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