The Practice
Bay Of Pigs

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Ragdoll: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Bay Of Pigs
an issue. We've got to protect Louise." Ellenor's not happy.

Whoosh. Watch Helen and Gnatty Bay fly into his office. "Maybe I should take over?" she asks. Helen's wearing this gray sweater that makes her head look so small you'd think she was a character on The Howard Stern Radio Show. Her hair is pulled back so tightly that she looks like Joan Rivers. Because she doesn't look thin enough. The Runt protests that he can handle the case. Helen counters, "Look, Richard, if you pushed Eugene, that tells me you have some judgment problems. He could squish you like a bug." Exactly. Helen wonders why he's personalizing this so much: "Is it because Bobby called you a pipsqueak?" Runty McRunterson starts in on the tirade of us-against-them justice that serves as the backbone of this entire show: "There's a difference between giving a fair defense and distorting the system!" Helen snips, "If you start quoting the founding fathers again, I'm going to leave!" They speak at the same time. I hate that. I can never hear one over the other. I also don't know how DEK can write the dialogue that way. Does he type each speech and then add a little: "Oh, you both have to talk at the same time because that's the way -- un ha un ha -- I like it"? Runt rants on about how Ellenor will cross examine the fellow into having a coronary and "not even blink an eye." Hey, Richard? This is ragdoll. Wasn't it your idea to make the guy give his testimony from his hospital bed? Aren't you the one who decided to go ahead with this, and can't you be the one to rise above it all and prosecute the case after the guy's had a chance to recover? Just a thought. Anyway, Helen says, "Richard, for three years I've been telling you what would happen if you personalize your cases --" "I'd lose my hair." Heh. Now if she could only convince wardrobe to lose the comb-over. "You're a great DA but you've got to keep an even keel." He looks up at her: "Helen, can I ask you something?" Oh, those questions are never good, you know something you don't want to hear is coming. No one who ever has something good to say ever asks if they can ask you something -- they'll just ask it. "Will you have dinner with me tonight?" Helen turns her head in disgust and cringes, because the idea of having dinner with the Runt is so much more upsetting than say, eating with an old fart like Jack Nicholson. Helen starts with the "I don't date people I work with" party line. He cries, calls her a big meany, tells her to get out, and she must like the violent angry type because it's his abuse that changes her mind. She agrees. Ragdoll tosses her cookies.

Egg Trial. Jimmy and the other lawyer are giving their oral arguments. They are arguing about the moral effects of selling human body parts like sperm and eggs. Mr. Emmerson's lawyer opens by stating that federal and state law both prohibit the sale of human organs. Jimmy cuts him off by saying that they aren't talking about selling organs. Retort: the same principal applies. Again, Jimmy: "The law doesn't say that." In comes Judge Humpty Dumpty, who thinks that maybe it should, just as we prohibit the sale of livers and other organs. Unless you're Larry Hagman, that is -- then anytime you destroy your own liver, you can just hop over to the corner liver store and buy another one. Jimmy makes the point that, if they stopped selling eggs, well, then they'd have to stop selling sperm too. The other lawyer jumps in -- he thinks that they should stop selling reproductive "equipment" -- that it's one thing to donate semen or an egg out of altruism, but quite another to hawk your wares on the Internet. Jimmy states, "He's in here arguing what the law should be, but that's not what it is, and if he wants to do that let him go to Congress. The judge is supposed to rule on the current laws. Right now, the law says that it's okay for a woman to sell her eggs, and this distinction between altruism and profit, forgive my language but that's just crap. Profit saves lives." Blah blah patents and drug companies. Jimmy makes a good point about the monetary basis of the medical establishment, and that his client, selling her eggs, is acting within the bounds of the law. They made a contract. Emmerson breached it. She's entitled to have a judge rule on behalf of the law.

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The Practice

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