The Practice
Bay Of Pigs

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Bay Of Pigs

The Firm. Lindsay walks into the scene just as Rebecca exclaims in disbelief, "Dead?" Bobby replies, yes, that's what she said on the phone. Lindsay "Nosy Parker" Dole asks what happened, just so that Rebecca can explain, "Ellenor cross-examined a guy -- to death." Lucy wonders what's going to happen with the trial. Bobby explains that they've all retired to Judge Kittleson's chambers, and boy, if Mr. Morgan's testimony is excluded, the trial's over -- he was their whole case!

Whoosh. Egg Trial. Judge Humpty Dumpty starts reading his decision: "I'm mindful that every ethicist, as well as leaders of all our infertility groups, vent disgust at the prospect of peddling eggs for cash. But Mr. Berluti is right. The law prohibits selling organs but there's nothing to prevent trafficking sperm and eggs. I find the contract to be binding and order the defendant to pay costs plus interest. Adjourned." Susan thanks Jimmy, and he begrudgingly accepts her thanks. She again reiterates that this case was a matter of principle, but Jimmy interrupts her to moralize: "Susan, if you're telling people about the case. I'd say it was about the money. Saying that it's about principle? You're selling your eggs." Finally, she gets a bit steamed about his overbearing attitude as you see her expression change: "Can I talk to you in private somewhere?"

They adjourn to a side room. Susan lays her purse and her coat on the table, and with her back to Jimmy says, "Do you know why we broke up, Jimmy?" He sort of shakes his hands with his briefcase in on arm and coat on the other: "It's coming back to me." She turns to face him, and reads him the riot act: Jimmy always told her what to do, he was always telling her she was doing things wrong, and, just as he starts to speak, she raises her voice some more and says, "You were never letting me talk." Susan lists his likes and dislikes -- he doesn't like women having abortions, he doesn't like women selling their eggs, "and you're entitled to them but none of them," she continues, "render you more principled. You want to know what principled is, Jimmy?" He snaps back, "Yeah, why don't you tell me?" Well, if you must know, "it's recognizing responsibility. Principled is duty to your children. Making sure they are fed and sent to a decent school --" The scream for a minute, and Jimmy interrupts her, again, to tell her that she's like a prostitute. ["Please, please slap his sanctimonious face into next week." -- deborah] "What did you just say to me?" She walks around for a minute collecting herself, because we all know that he crossed the line with that statement. Hey DEK, you know what? We. Get. It. But that's not enough, here we go again, flogging the horse that died with the last ratiocination regarding egg-selling: "When you come into this room with your clients, do you call them murderers, rapists, thieves to their faces? I doubt it. You quite likely show them more respect than that. Me, you called a prostitute." Okay, he didn't say that -- he said you were like a prostitute, but it's still abhorrent. Jimmy's speechless. Susan walks toward him. "Tell me, Jimmy. Why is it that you are so much harder on me than on the rest of the world?" Jimmy scoffs, "Please, if you even have to ask that -- I loved you -- that's why." The Sonata of Jimmy's Broken Heart starts to serenade the two of them. Susan asks, "Do you still?" He doesn't know. Because the idea that someone might have once loved you makes it okay for them to almost call you a prostitute. Because it's love that forgives highly critical, overbearing, morally swaggering men? Susan wonders if he loves this other woman. Jimmy shakes his head and answers that he doesn't know. She's cold, thanks him for his services, and says that he's obviously turned out to be quite a good lawyer: "I'm sorry I disappoint you." And this comment causes ragdoll to start ripping out her hair! "You're sorry?" I scream at the television. Sorry for what? Taking control of your life, your body, and not letting some man who is obviously not living your life or paying your bills make you feel bad for doing just that? Anyway, Susan doesn't hear me because she doesn't turn around and deck Jimmy before she leaves him standing alone in the room. With the damn music still playing.

Kittleson's chambers. "You saw it yourself!" Richard screams. "She all but murdered him!" Oh, pul-ease. What? They start bickering. And I'm tired of typing that sentence. Kittleson barks for them to settle down because she's tired of these "scream-fests." Aren't we all? They squabble, call each other some names, until Eugene steps up: "Your Honour, obviously Mr. Morgan's testimony has to be excluded." Why! Gnatty gnarls. "Our client has to have full opportunity for cross-examination. We were cut short." The Runt rails, "Bogus. If ever a witness were fully cross-examined -- she killed him!" Ellenor snaps back, wondering if Richard has a crystal ball that could have foreseen this event. And then Richard kicks Ellenor in the shin. A good soccer kick. And it actually makes a thwack sound. "He kicked me!" Judge Kittleson, whose entire role this episode has been keeper of the friggin' playground, screams, "All right!" She begins to put a price tag on their behavior: The kick costs five hundred dollars; the next insult will cost one thousand. Eugene says, "Your Honour, even if you find we were afforded full opportunity for cross-examination -- the man had a heart attack. The damage of Ms. Frutt coming off as too unsympathetic, it's too prejudicial." Richard stamps his foot on the floor like a baby. Ellenor: "With all due respect. He has clearly lost his mind!" Kittleson: "With all due respect, Ms. Frutt, that just cost you one thousand dollars." The Runt asks if he may speak; Kittleson responds, "You may speak. Do not kick. Do not stomp. Do not even move your legs." They get back to issues of law. Sort of. Richard explains that even if Mr. Morgan's testimony was excluded, the whole squeeze-my-hand brouhaha constitutes a dying declaration, which isn't subject to cross-examination. Sneaky. Ellenor says, "And you were calling me despicable?" They start name-calling, stomping, and kicking until they all end up in jail, even Eugene, who's an innocent bystander.

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