The Practice
Bay Of Pigs

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Bay Of Pigs

Jail. Richard: "Why do you hate me so?" Ellenor shakes her head: "Richard, hate you? You're the one that always starts this." Eugene pulls them apart and wonders what the heck he's even doing there. Kittleson walks up at that instant with a guard to let them out. She explains that she's going to cut the video deposition personally and that they are going to go to trial tomorrow to finish off the case. "If any of this shows up in my courtroom, I'll send you to the bar with a recommendation for a sixty-day suspension." Then she lets them out, but not before Richard can open his yap. "Good!" he says, "I have a date." Ellenor and Eugene roll their eyes.

The Firm. Jimmy's explaining to Lindsay and Rebecca about how he used to have feelings for Susan. Except he left out the prostitute part. Apparently, he looked at Susan like she might have been the mother of his children (well, he could buy some eggs like everyone else, and then she would be the mother of his children), so he held her to a higher standard. But he doesn't look at Roberta that way. Rebecca makes a crack about how Roberta doesn't have any eggs to sell. "Not funny," Jimmy snaps. Lindsay editorializes: Maybe you don't see yourself having a family with Roberta but you do with Susan. "Susan's not in the picture," Jimmy responds but, of course, Lucy brings her into the room at that instant. All the other women just stand there, watching. You'd think they'd get the hint and just leave. "Am I really out of the picture?" she asks. Jimmy starts to stutter: "You. Think. Umm." Lucy cracks, "He mumbles when he's smitten." Oh, I get it. That's the cue for the two other lawyers to say, "Lucy!" and then leave. Just like Ricky Ricardo. Poor Lucy. Is there any classic television show DEK hasn't plagiarized? Susan and Jimmy are left alone. She smiles and asks him to dinner. But before he can accept, he says, "I have some loose ends I have to tie up with someone else."

Richard and Helen arrive at Hellenor's (tm deborah) after their date. He's talking about the trial, expects it to wrap up soon, which is good, because apparently, he's agreed to counseling. He starts to complain about Ellenor again and Helen begs him to stop: "I don't want to hear about it anymore. You've used up your whole date talking about a case, Richard." He's bummed: "Does that mean I'm not getting another one?" Maybe he has a death wish: he kicked Ellenor twice and even took a run at Eugene. Thus begins the introspective portion of the episode -- oh, these sensitive men. What's really wrong with Richard: "I think I do want to get into a fight. A fist fight!" Helen looks stunned: "Have you ever bothered to ask yourself why?" Here it comes: the short, smart guy speech. You know, it wasn't convincing on Ally McBeal, and it's even less convincing here. Poor Richard, he was captain of the debate team, chess club, state spelling bee champion, but he got picked on on the playground. He would love to get into a fight. Helen advises Richard to get some help. Rightfully so, because all kids get picked on --that's why you grow up -- to get over these things. Richard asks Helen for a second chance, another date; she reluctantly agrees, and then he plants one on her. It's probably the least romantic on-screen kiss I've ever seen. Richard's lips look like he's vacuuming up Helen's face; she has to bend down in this awkward stooping stance as his hands plant themselves in a vice-like manner on either side of her head. And then I don't even have time to reach for my barf bag before he says, "I go for you. The whole package." And walks away. Helen's stunned.

We're back from commercials and at the Morgan trial. Ellenor's questioning Mrs. Morgan: "Why didn't the garage clicker work?" Louise doesn't know, but she thinks maybe the batteries had given out. It often didn't work. She went for the brakes, hit the accelerator instead, and ended up running right over Ronald. "It was an accident, though?" her lawyer asks. "Of course it was an accident!" Louise shouts. Richard gives his cross. The car lurched. There wasn't anything wrong with the car. He wonders whether or not she sued the car company? There are a lot of objections to Richard questions. It's all pretty ridiculous. He essentially gives the same kind of cross-examination Ellenor did previously to Louise's husband. It was human error, she explains; she hit the accelerator hard going for the brake. It happens. Cut to Richard giving his closing arguments. She hated him. She inherits everything. Ellenor. Who of us can say that it couldn't have been an accident. Richard explains she ran a car over someone she hated, gets two million dollars, Mr. Morgan saw her face. Ellenor: a fraction of a fraction of a second. Reasonable doubt overcome by a fraction of a fraction of a second?

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The Practice

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