The Practice
Brothers' Keepers

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Ragdoll: C | Grade It Now!
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It's a girl!

Courthouse. Tenacious G is testifying to the fact that he did see Emma stuffing software into her purse. Karen points to the woman sitting beside Harland and says, "You saw this woman." Tenacious G agrees, and then explains that he started to approach her, but she knew he thought she was suspicious. Yeah, because the whole Tenacious G uniform wouldn't have sent the alarm bells off or anything. Then Emma took off and the guard couldn't catch her. "Well, I inadvertently collided with another customer," and as a result she "eluded" capture. Again, Karen points to the defendant to make sure Tenacious G has the right suspect. Why are they prosecuting this so violently? Don't they give shoplifters a few warnings before they drag them into court? What's she really going to get? A couple weeks probation and some community service hours? Maybe mandatory counseling? Anyway, Tenacious G is absolutely sure "Emma" was the woman he saw stuffing the software into her purse. She even has the same dress on. Eugene turns to Harland as Karen finishes up with the witness and says, "She couldn't have come to court in a different outfit?" Judge Hiller calls on Eugene to start his questioning, but Harland is going to take this cross. He stands up dramatically and encourages Tenacious G to verify that he did in fact see "that woman" steal the software. Three times he asks the question. And then sits down. Eugene: "Nothing further?" Harland: "It went well." Eugene: "What went well? You just got the witness to confirm the I.D. three more times." Eugene snarls, "We represent the defendant!" While Eugene and Harland are whispering, Judge Zoey wants to know if they have something to share with the court. Again with the dramatic stance, Harland says, "At this time, we would ask that the real Emma Luger please stand up!" He points to the gallery, where a different woman, Emma Luger, is standing. The woman sitting beside them at the table is Marjorie Hooley. Wow, Harland's been watching too many re-runs of Matlock. You can only imagine how peeved both Eugene and Judge Hiller are as she calls all of them into chambers.

Judge Zoey is pacing. Harland feels the need to speak, which I think is an ill-advised decision on his part: "Justice demanded it!" Judge Zoey stops pacing: "Justice demanded you commit a fraud on the court?" She charges both Eugene and Matlock Jr. in contempt of court. Karen insists that Judge Zoey declare a mistrial. Unfortunately, the defendant might walk with a mistrial because double jeopardy has been attached. And you can imagine what might happen if all those violent shoplifters were set free. Karen's strategy: "I would suggest you declare a mistrial on shoplifting, hold the defendant in contempt of court, and slap her hard!" Eugene calls Karen unethical. They bicker. Helpful Harland insists, "I think we should finish the trial and all learn from our mistakes!" If judges were allowed to give stink-eyes, Judge Zoey would most certainly be giving one right now. She orders that both women sit at the defense table, and that the witness will be allowed to give a second identification. Harland protests. But not too loudly, because Judge Zoey puts him smartly in his place.

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The Practice

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