The Practice
Brothers' Keepers

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It's a girl!

Courthouse. Harland and Eugene are in a side room discussing the case. Tumbledweebs didn't think he was doing anything illegal. Eugene is mad. He starts screaming about his reputation, about how Harland asked him for advice, and about how his farce could damage both his and Eugene's reputations. Harland responds by explaining that he's out of his office, he's been evicted, and it's hard to get clients when you can't win a case, it all depends on this, blah blah blah victory-cakes. It was all worth risking contempt. Eugene leans in: "When this case is over, don't you ever, ever come and see me again. You got that?" Harland looks up at him and says: "Got it." Poor, downtrodden little man. Hey Harland, find ANOTHER profession.

Courthouse. Oh, the closings. Bobby's up first, as always. His argument is that the Commonwealth's case contains no evidence whatsoever. Which is true. Their entire case is built upon the fact that Aman and Javed were brothers, and that's about it. Okay, you know what? Could Javed have not entered an affidavit from Pakistan explaining that Aman had nothing to do with it? Could Bobby not have found a witness to deconstruct/explain/clarify ancient Islamic customs for the jury, so that they wouldn't just see Aman as the only representative from Pakistan? Oh, wait, I must have been confusing Aman with Scott Wallace, a defendant Bobby actually cared about. Yadda yadda the family wants justice; yeah, they can't get the real killer, so Aman should take the fall. Yeah, we know, the DA wants somebody to pay. Isn't that ridiculous, the Emperor notes. Hey, jury, there's no reasonable doubt, because there is no evidence, none -- therefore, Aman should not be convicted. Then it's Helen's turn. She makes an overtly jingoistic argument. She uses the word "tribal" again. Complains about a non-existent conspiracy. States that the defendant is taking advantage of our higher burdens of proof, calls Pakistan "a nation that burns bad wives." Then says, "In America, we don't do that, we don't condone honour killings, we don't consider any murder to be honourable." Oh, please -- you most certainly do, when you're defending your right to life or your right to property you most certainly do condone a murder; isn't that what the laws of self-defense are based upon? Let's just make a checklist of the colonial underpinnings of that particular argument: 1. There is the "us vs. them" mentality. Check. 2. There is the "indigenous cultures as savages" stereotype. Check. 3. There is a marked inability to actually understand a custom or law before condemning it as ungodly, as un-American. Check. 4. There is a rampant disregard for the laws of said country where the crime was committed. Check. Wow, Helen, you'd make a great colonial dictator. Let's fly you back a hundred years and plunk you right in the middle of Africa where you belong. ["And let's remind her that the United States still has a death penalty." -- Sars]

Courthouse. Karen has Tenacious G back on the stand to identify the woman who stole the software. Again, he identifies Marjorie Hooley instead of Emma Luger. They've switched dresses. He says three times that it was the woman in the blue dress. Then Judge Zoey snaps, "Are you sure it wasn't me?" Heh. She enters a verdict of not guilty and tells Ms. Luger she is free to go. Heh. She sentences Harland to fifteen days in lock-up for being in contempt of court. He takes his sentence like a man, and he's ecstatic because he's finally won a jury trial. Harland holds his head up high as he is carted out of the courtroom by the bailiff.

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The Practice

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