The Practice
Dog Bite

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Dog Bite

The Firm. As Ellenor and Lindsay get back to the office, they open the door on The Pimp as he does his best Fonzie impression: "Hey, Ellie! They still out?" ["Man, I am hating it when they call her 'Ellie.'" -- Deborah] Yup. They most certainly are, in more ways than you know, Kenny. "Look," Ellenor asks her client, "can you just give us a few seconds. We need to talk." The women head into Bobby's office to continue their argument about the events of this morning. I don't think Lindsay has taken her coat off this entire episode ["on television, this is always the first sign of a pregnancy that must be hidden" -- Deborah], nor has she done anything other than whisper menacingly at Ellenor about this whole jury interaction thing. I take it all back -- she was just as annoying the second season as she is this year, perhaps even more so. Ms. Whiney Piney says that they need to tell the client. Ellenor maintains that they need to tell Kenny about the deal from the DA's office right now; if he turns it down, no harm, no foul, and if he accepts it, well, then they'll wait and see. "We should go to the judge now," Lindsay says. "In which case Kenny loses his acquittal because of some stupid rule that doesn't --" At that instant, Bobby bursts into his office and hollers: "What's going on?" Both women deny that anything is going on, which prompts yet another "What's going on?" from Mr. Donnell. Ellenor shuts him down with a quick "nothing" and asks Bobby to send in The Pimp. "Why can't we tell Bobby?" Lindsay hisses. "Because if he knows then he's incriminated. Lawyers have a duty to report, you know." Lindsay shakes her head in mild disgust, rips her coat off and flings it over the couch. Kenny stands in the doorway: "Something's wrong. I've got this gland thing that works like radar when something's wrong." There's a tight close-up on both women's faces before Ellenor says "sit" to close this scene.

Courthouse. Eugene is still up asking Ms. Bancock about Teddy Maynard's hops: "Were they big loping hops, or just little hops?" Ms. Bancock says that they were hops, for goodness sake: "How many ways can there be to hop?" Eugene starts back at her, becoming a little cheeky when her tone suggests she's getting frustrated: "Pardon me for being a nuisance, but your description only said 'black, one leg.'" Renee rolls her eyes as Eugene continues, "Is it your testimony that all hops look the same?" The DA objects, stating that Eugene is "again" arguing racial discrimination when he knows it's not; Eugene talks over her, saying that he's not doing that, he's just trying to make his case. The judge calls them up for a sidebar. Ragdoll bets His Honor is going to tell these two to get a room. The obvious sexual tension isn't getting us anywhere. They continue to bicker about the case, causing the judge to ask: "Is this for real?" And MBTV recappers everywhere let out a holler, because someone finally realizes the idiocy of some of these storylines. Let's see, how can we make a television drama any more like a circus: I know! We'll throw in some animals and a hopping man! ["More proof for my contention that DEK is obsessed with, and constantly exploits, atypical physicality. God, am I sick of it." -- Deborah] Now, that's prime-time! Judge Boucher lays down the law and tells Eugene to get on with it. Big E shakes his head, and the two walk back to their respective tables. "Double or nothing?" Eugene asks Renee. "Absolutely," she responds.

The Firm. We're in the board room, watching the deposition of young Susan Stevenson. She has a cute Betty Boop voice and bobbed blonde hair held back by a headband. The gruff lawyer is asking her what happened. "I just went up to pet him and he growled real fast and bit me." Do you remember if you approached him from the front or the back? "From the front," she says, crystal clear. "Do you think you scared him a little?" The little girl emphatically says the dog was "practically bigger than me!" The attorney backtracks, "Do you think you maybe surprised him a little?" She looks to her mother and Jimmy for encouragement, seemingly confused by the questions: "I just put my hand up to pet him." The lawyer asks more detailed questions: "Well. Did you put it too close?" The little girl is indignant: "He's making it out my fault!" Word. The dog bit her and she has a scar, so cough it up buddy. Poor girl -- she'll be frightened of dogs her entire life, no doubt. Hell, I got bitten by a baby pony when I was five and can't go near horses, they scare me to pieces. After Jimmy reassures her that Mr. Assertive is just asking questions to find out what really happened, Susan reiterates that she just went up to pet the dog. Mr. Assertive wants explicit details now: "Susan, how many inches did you put your hand up to his mouth?" She doesn't know. He wants to play make-believe: "Let's pretend you're the dog. Did you put your hand up this close? Or maybe this close?" And with every "this close" he moves his hand closer to the child's face, as if she's the dog and he's the child. Susan insists she doesn't know; the lawyer keeps moving his fingers closer and closer to her face, his voice raising incrementally with each movement closer, until finally Susan bites him. Hard. Real, real hard. Just chomps right down on his fingers. "Move to strike!" Jimmy cries as Mrs. Stevenson admonishes her daughter. "Was that your fault?" Susan inquires of the lawyer. He's obviously flustered, probably because every time he sets foot in The Firm he ends up in physical danger. But he really shouldn't be wagging his fingers around in a child's face in some condescending manner -- I'd have bitten him myself. ["Me too. He had that coming." -- Sars]

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The Practice

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