The Practice
Evil-Doers

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Ding-dong, the psycho is dead

Previously on The Practice: Lannibal Hector makes an appearance. He insists that "the other man" killed the three women who ended up dead, but he does not deny that he dismembered and then ate them. The other lawyer's nose hurts from where Lannibal bit him. Lannibal calls Lindsay "Clarice." Then he asks if Bobby knows she's in love with Lannibal. Helen cross-examines Lannibal, who says, on the stand, that "the other man" is planning on killing Clarice/Lindsay. Lindsay starts sliding down the wrong side of an emotional breakdown. The jury finds O'Malley not guilty. Lannibal thanks Bobby and Clarice for his freedom to roam the streets in search of bodies to have with tea.

Dole-Donnell Manor. A phone rings. It is a shrill, piercing ring. Lindsay walks over and answers, "Hello?" The Don't Answer The Phone When You're Being Stalked Sonata crawls into the scene. Lindsay pauses. She says, "Hello?" On the other end of the line, we hear a click, then a dial tone. Lindsay stares off into space with a freaked-out look in her eyes. She doesn't *69 the caller. She doesn't have call freaking display. She just stares off into space like the hang-up hypnotized her.

Helen has arrived at The Palace Of Rod. Bobby is home too, and he's wearing a t-shirt; aw, Rod's kind of handsome in his t-shirt. He says, "What about entrapping him?" Helen replies, "We've thought about that. The thing is it's not like the guy hits often. He's killed three girls in two years." Lindsay interjects, "What about using me?" Bobby snaps, "Are you crazy?" Where's the kid? He's sleeping through all this? Good kid. I guess it's quiet in the closet where they shove him. Lindsay shouts, "I'm going crazy, Bobby, the longer he stays out there calling me on the phone --" Bobby insists, "There's no way to protect you!" Lindsay: "So what, I just go to bed every night consoling myself that one day they'll finally get him?" Bobby says defiantly, "You will not be used as bait for a serial killer!" Helen insists that it wouldn't work anyway, because apparently Lannibal Hector is "too smart for that." Meaning that the whole screaming match Bobby and Lindsay just had was really kind of pointless. Yes. I know, Anvil. I told you that I would send you hurtling toward the screen this week. But do you think it's wise that we waste our one good shot on this schlock? No? Good. I'm glad you agree with me. Lindsay whines, "Well, come up with something, Helen. I am not going through this again." Helen takes a deep breath. Then she explains, "What I'd like to do is get him civilly committed." Helen's still in her work clothes. Her make-up, albeit garish, is quite perfect. Her lips look like they've been repeatedly pinched until they've reached their desired puffiness. They are frightening, and they sort of throw her whole face out of whack. Bobby wants to know how they're going to pull this one off. Helen replies, "It'll be tough, especially since he was acquitted, but we can try." Pause. She wants Lindsay to testify, to help convince the judge that Lannibal is nuts. Lindsay nods her head: "Time and place, I'll be there." Helen reminds the two of them that this is a long shot. Lindsay: "Just get him. And if he resists, just shoot him." Helen looks over at Bobby, who's looking over at Lindsay. He furrows his brow. That's his new favourite "face move." We'll call it The Steel Rod.

Credits. I have no joy. I have pain. I have no love left in my heart for cheesy-dialogue-heavy television. I mourn the loss of Hunky D.A.

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The Practice

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