The Practice
Germ Warfare

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Germ Warfare

Couldn't anyone other than Lindsay say, "Previously on The Practice"? She is just so annoying. Last week, Bobby's friend, Scott Wallace, ends up in jail for murdering his wife. The Runt coaches a witness in the same trial. Helen allows Scott's brother-in-law to perjure himself on the stand and then regrets it later. When Wallace asks to testify, which is his right, Bobby pulls rank and doesn't let him. The whole toxic swing-set ordeal with Lindsay and Ellenor is introduced, and they win their summary judgment against the EPA.

Once upon a time, there was an Emperor of Law, Robert O. Donnell, Esq. We shall call him "Rod." He and his minions would hold court daily to allow Emperor Rod to impart his wisdom. Now, the Emperor and his loyal subjects are gathered, under the veil of night, in an expansive boardroom in Rod's Firm. He uses his finger as an expert pointer, drilling his troops in the practice of the law: "Are your experts ready?" One Jimmy The Lump responds positively by stating that they are all set. A lovely purveyor of good named Ellenor adds that their witness, Dr. Tillotson, flew in this morning, and is well prepared. The Emperor's right-hand man and sometimes conscience, Sir Eugene The Good Knight, wonders who will be put forth by the opposition. Ellenor responds, "The EPA? How about everybody?" See, in this kingdom, sarcasm is the preferred mode of conversation: "They can't afford to lose this case. The precedent would be a disaster." The Receptionist Wench Lucy pipes up, suggesting that Ms. Frutt is nervous. She is roundly rebutted. Ms. Frutt may be many things, but nervous is not one of them. Swiftly, Emperor Rod jumps in to make sure everyone understands that "this is not like tobacco. Where the jury's going to go in there thinking the defendant is evil. There is no predisposition weighing in your favour here." His fingers are pinched together like he's dropping salt into stew as he waves his hands around to make his most excellent point: "In fact, in this case, the jury's fears will work against you." The Royal Rebecca, making a fleeting appearance, questions, "How do you figure that?" The Emperor turns to his employee, scoffs slightly, and responds, "People don't want to believe that playground equipment everywhere is poisoning their children. They don't want to believe that the government could know about it and just looked the other way because of politics --" Ellenor interrupts; lucky for her, Emperor Rod is in a benevolent mood and doesn't have her hanged as she breaks in to explain that that's exactly what the EPA are doing -- looking the other way. The Emperor shoots her a stink-eye, a gesture the minions have been trained to obey, and continues, "People don't want to believe it, Ellenor. And you have to be mindful of that while you try this case." His hand slices the air as if it were the guillotine set up in the courthouse grounds for beheading insolent subjects, and he goes on, "You are arguing something that no one wants to accept!" He would have continued if it were not for the Empress Lindsay stepping in to control her husband's tendency to "run off at the mouth." Eugene asks how their case is, and Ellenor responds that, although its circumstantial, it's certainly credible. Again, Emperor Rod feels he must interject; he waves his hand around, holding his fingers together in the universal symbol for "okay," and lectures, "Don't focus on proof so much, but more on the fact that the EPA didn't test this stuff enough." Well, Ellenor seems to have had enough -- she quietly explains that they have done "this" before, that they've been preparing this case for eight months, and that they're ready: "Anything else?" We look to the Emperor for his final words of guidance, watch him pinch his fingers again, and listen as he imparts this bit of wisdom: "Yeah." The steel blue eyes are focused and clear: "Win."

Credits.

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The Practice

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