The Practice
Lara Flynn Boyle In Allure

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The fabrication of a vamp
Lara Flynn Boyle must have one hell of a publicist. This August, she graces the cover of Allure, which is essentially an infomercial masquerading as a magazine. Over the past year, LFB’s had a decent spread in Vanity Fair and, alongside her co-stars, was featured on the April cover of Marie Claire, another bleeding-heart women’s magazine. Okay, the only performance of note in the last few years of Lara Flynn Boyle’s career was her role as Helen Jordan in Todd Solondz’s Happiness. Besides playing Helen Gamble on The Practice, Boyle has really not succeeded in doing anything other than play characters by the name of Helen. Does she, the personality, warrant all of this media attention? We all know her on-again, off-again relationship with superstar Jack Nicholson pushes the media’s buttons, but exactly how much press should really be dedicated to a woman because she’s got a superstar semi-boyfriend? On the cover, the tagline advertises LFB as a “drink-throwing, man-eating, body-waxing bad girl.” Now, had I known that body-waxing was a prerequisite for being a Hollywood bad girl, I might have taken up that grooming habit by now. In addition to exposing LFB’s more lascivious habits, the magazine claims to give up the dirt on various skin “firmers”; find forty-seven simple steps to shine, bounce, and volume (for your hair); and produce five “smile makeovers.” I’m already skeptical. Interviews in women’s magazines whose entire mandate is to manipulate your body and abuse your magazine sensibilities with sharp, “sexy” taglines are simply not to be trusted. Furthermore, the blurb alleges that the feature on LFB will “shoot straight” about “her reputation, her body, and the men in her life.” Translated into non-tagline language, this piece is simply another venue for Boyle to a) explain how she absolutely, one hundred percent, in no way has an eating disorder, b) talk about Nicholson, and c) call herself the boldest of all the bad girls. Sigh. Wouldn’t it be nice if a feature in a magazine had the simple intention of actually telling the truth, instead of pointedly saying they’re going to “shoot straight”? A large, glossy, perfectly manicured Boyle smirks in the cover photo. She’s wearing a large purple boa. She looks like she shaved a woolly mammoth and then had his fur died Prince-in-Purple Rain purple. Her hair is, of course, slicked back a lá Helen Gamble, and her lips are so glossy that if she were to actually walk outside wearing that much lipstick, various bits of debris would find themselves hopelessly attached and begging for their lives. The whites of her eyes are very, very white, and her eyelashes are so caked with mascara that they actually jut out beyond the bones of her upper eyes. It’s actually a creepy picture when you take the time to look at it closely.

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The Practice

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