The Practice
Show And Tell

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Ragdoll: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Beautiful friend, the end

Lindsay purrs: "Previously, on The Practice…" You all know what happened, in ten words or less: blah blah blah Scott Wallace-cakes.

An intensely pretentious voice hovers over the Emperor Rod, asking if he feels pressure because Scott Wallace is his friend or because he "failed him." A text line appears on my screen letting me know that Bobby Donnell is the Founding Partner of Donnell, Young, Dole and Frutt. Take a deep breath, everyone, they're doing a fake-umentary. The Emperor shuffles in his chair for a minute, freeing his arms from their self-inflicted restraint and saying, "Both. I want to get him out because I care about him, and because I tried a lousy case."

Quick cut to Richard "Legal Weasel" Bay, where the text informs me he's an Assistant District Attorney. Harrumph. "Assistant District Exasperating" is a more apt job title. The Runt says, "Of course I feel pressure, how could I not, but this guy committed murder and the only thing standing between him and the street, is me." Annoying Narrator Guy brings up Helen Gamble. Bay shoots him the stink-eye before stating that Helen felt overwhelmed by the process and that's why she did what she did. Annoying Narrator dredges up the whole Runt-coaching-Kyle episode, saying Helen claims that the Runt persuaded the witness into committing perjury, to which Richard responds, "She's wrong."

Back to Bobby complaining about Richard Bay: "DAs like him make it easier for defense attorneys like me to stay passionate about what we do because to me he basically represents a police state."

Cut over to Judge Zoey, Superior Court Judge, discussing how violent the case is going to be, about how the Emperor Rod and The Runt are great fighters. Only she uses really bad metaphors that I'm too embarrassed to write down. Annoying Narrator snipes, "Zealous advocates, isn't that what it's supposed to be about?" Judge Zoey smiles: "One would think." Then she rambles on about how ugly fights are never in the interest of truth or justice.

The Annoying Narrator asks The Runt if he thinks he's going to win. Of course he does. Richard always thinks he's going to win. The Annoying Narrator wonders how he can be so damn sure of his self. Richard blathers on about the damn videotape and about how Scott will have to testify this time, and when he does, Richard "will get him."

Credits. This episode is going to suck so badly. It's barely begun and I'm already sick of everyone and everything. Sigh.

There is a black screen upon which the white credits are flashing. We hear a car horn honking. A siren going off. Various different street noises. The guest stars' names are flashing before my eyes. I blame Steven Spielberg for this fake-umentary. As the credits continue on the black screen, Richard's voice is heard, he's explaining that witnesses are never objective. He lectures his witnesses by explaining that their goal at a murder trial is to help the prosecution secure a conviction: "To put a murderer in prison." I blame DEK for this horrible abuse of the power of television. Richard is warning some people not yet visible to us about Bobby Donnell's ability to steer a witness. I blame Alex Graves, the director, and his love for Steven Spielberg, for this awful fake-umentary. Oh, they all think they're so bright sitting up there in Hollywood and praising the gods of "edgy" for their creative genius. Hey! If anyone out there cares, ragdoll thinks a fake-umentary is a really bad idea. ["Not to mention one they've already used." -- Sars] Anyway, when we can finally see, and not just hear, Richard, he's in a law-book-lined room with a bunch of stuffed shirts. He's going on and on, explaining that Bobby's goal is to build reasonable doubt. The Runt continues, "At the first trial, he got you all to admit that things were possible. You all did so too submissively." Then the camera swings wide over to Cindy Kellor, who does not get a line of text at the bottom of the screen, but who is a behavioral psychologist. She wiggles her hands around and says, "When the defense lawyer forces you to say the words he wants you to say, you can nevertheless use body language to convey your opinion." Oh, yeah? You want some body language? I'll give you some body language. And it won't be polite. This doctor must have been granted a degree in the glaringly obvious. Pul-lease.

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The Practice

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