The Practice
The Deal

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Too Many Plots 'R' Us

Calgon, please take me away.

A phone is ringing at the firm. This is not just any phone. This is Lindsay's personal line. Lucy wants to know why she's not answering. Lindsay mumbles something, smiles, and picks up the phone. "Hi," she says in that voice reserved for husbands and Emperors. But wait! It's not Emperor Rod on the line; it's psycho Hinks: "Hi." His Dance Of Deranged Defendants does not freak me out, nor does it do anything for the scene. Sigh. Lindsay asks, "Who is this?" Hinks: "It's William. Are you available now?" Lindsay stutters. The stalker wants to appeal the verdict even though he was acquitted. He'd like the verdict overturned. She snaps, "Well, I don't handle acquittal appeals so you'll have to find another lawyer," and slams down the phone. There! Now that'll teach him. Lindsay whispers, "Okay, that was weird." She jumps up and grabs her coat. Lucy asks, "Where are you going?" Lindsay bounds past Lucy's desk, claiming she's on her way to see Jeannie because "this is just getting a little out of control." But when she opens The Firm's front door, William is standing there holding a cell phone. She screams. And I actually scream. Honestly, that did freak me out. He is creepy.

Lindsay does a couple deep intakes of breath: "Ah! Oh! Ah!" William furrows his brow: "Is now not good?" Her eyes are open as wide as I think eyes can possibly be opened: "What do you want?" Hinks has some probate work, and Lindsay is his attorney. She responds by stating that she's a criminal defense lawyer who doesn't do probate. "What are you saying? Our relationship is in jeopardy unless I commit a crime?" Poor Lindsay doesn't have an answer to that question. You know, if this show was an actual slasher film, and not some second-rate drama pulling out a pathetic "stalker" plot, Lindsay would already be dead.

Okay. We all know the movie is going to be so very bad, but does Matt Damon not look good in the trailers for All The Pretty Horses? ["You are fired." -- Sars]

The Firm. The Emperor is musing from high upon his own Mountain of Righteousness: "I could have found her." He paces. He scolds Eugene for, god forbid, thinking about the client. He's all with the "I could have gotten Francis to take me to her" theme. That's because Emperors have the power of gods here on The Practice. Eugene repeats how their only obligation is to their client, and, while colder than the fake snow covering the fake streets of the fake Boston, he is right. The Emperor pauses for full dramatic effect: "How could you look at it that way?" Sigh. It is just so hard being the Emperor.

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The Practice

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