Top Chef
Blind Confusion

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Last week, the chefs microwaved up some meals, and Candice was sent home to finally be happy with Candice.

Andrea does roof yoga (a.k.a. "roga" or "yoof") in the early morning, Miguel sleeps, and Lisa tells us that she messed up the microwave competition. Andrea tells us that she knows people don't think she belongs there since she's already been eliminated once. "Stephen doesn't talk to me much -- I'm kind of the antithesis of everything he is," she say. Hon, count yourself lucky. Seriously, I will commit the rest of my life to being the antithesis of everything Stephen is.

In the Top Chef kitchens, the Katie Leebot introduces Michael Yakura of Le Colonial. "A very successful restaurant that fuses French and Asian influences," Katie Leebot says. Huh. So, she's calling it "fusion" when history calls it "oppressive imperialistic occupation." Don't you love it when that shit can be dressed up with catchy California Pizza Kitchenistic phraseology? The Quickfire Challenge is a blind taste test. Oh, like they did on Hell's Kitchen last summer? Original, Bravo. "For this challenge," Katie Leebot says portentously, "you will be blindfoded [sic]." It appears Katie Leebot has a lazy L. It's too bad they couldn't program that out of her basic. Lisa and Dave are convinced they're going to tank this challenge. Andrea has confidence that she'll pull through okay because she's eaten a lot of ethnic foods and loves fresh herbs. Stephen, on the other hand, has this to say: "I consider myself to be pretty savvy with when it comes to ingredients and I'm always in the top three percentile with whatever I do." I think you're underestimating yourself. You're definitely in the top one percentile of douchebaggery.

Lee Anne is up first and happy to get it over with. She has five minutes to taste twenty ingredients. She flubs longan, hibiscus nectar, agave (I helped cater a wedding where they refused to eat refined sugar for some hippy-dippy purification purging reason, so we used agave as a sweetener in almost everything), konnyaku, and chili paste, but gets tamarind. Time's up. Back in the waiting area, Lee Anne is not allowed to talk to anyone. Okay, this is tedious to recap. The chefs try things like nopales (prickly pear cactus pads), kampyo, curry paste, durian, nato (fermented soybeans), umeboshi plum, and ghee (Indian clarified butter). Heh, Andrea gets umeboshi plum right. It's a cure for constipation, so go figure. Tiffani tells us that as soon as she had the blindfold on, she didn't have a fucking clue. Dave thinks he'd be good with a snack food challenge, but not this. After it's all over, Chef Yakura is really nice and tells them that he knows this was a really tough challenge since "they've recently learned" that sight plays a major role in the kitchen.

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Top Chef

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