Top Chef
Chef Overboard

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now!
Hung's 300 Years War

Brian again stresses how well they're working as a team and preps his mates saying, "All right, you're gonna wanna take Howie's as the first? Just a little bowl [he demonstrates with his hand what a little bowl is] of those. Little cigarettes to start you off on the night, all right?" Okay, first of all, they're cigars, crazy man, and second of all, am I the only one who finds it beyond hysterical that Brian seamlessly transitions from the regular, normal person talk of instructing his team, to the patter he would be giving to the sailing fashionistas? I would seriously love to see Brian on stage somewhere. Howie AGAIN is stressing how much of a team player he is in this challenge because he knows he's been tagged as, you know, not a team player. Howie goes on to us, "I mean, for whatever anybody wants to say about me and my attitude or whatever, I'm a pretty good chef. I've won a few challenges here, I'm obviously not some [and this is where the recapper needs some translation help, please?] shit-quille." Okay, so that's either taking "Shaquille" and, like, profaning him, or he Laverned it and it's "shitquille, schlemazel Hasenpfeffer Incorporated." ["My immediate guess was 'shit-heel,' but until Bravo makes like FX and clears 'shit' for air after 10 PM, we'll continue to have these problems." -- Joe R]

CJ's opinion about Howie's mushroom tartlets is that they came out more like a mousse than a finely diced duxelle, and the result was all beige and grey and not good at all. Oh, man. I sort of have this feeling that Howie looked as his duxelle and reasoned, "Well, the flavors are all there, but it would actually be more, like, urbane to puree them all smooth, yuh know?" And all the puree did was muddy the colors and the thin shards of parm he's using as a garnish is muddying them even more. Hung observes, "Howie's mushroom duxelle looks like dog diarrhea." Oh, Howie, it does look like that picture in Once Upon a Potty -- that weird coil of poo that sort of looks like brown whipped cream and something that came out of no human bottom unless their toilet is a Sit 'n' Spin. In the galley, Howie tells Brian to taste his mushroom tartlets, so he can be sure that the team leader is happy with it. Brian tastes and mumbles through a full and hot mouth, "Thahs rul goo, Howah." CJ thinks Brian's not being firm enough with telling the other cheftestants that their dishes aren't good. Brian tells us that he "personally" knows that some of the dishes aren't as eye-appealing as he would have expected, but, he adds, "I'm the group leader here, what I'm really actually doing here is I'm facilitating -- I'm making sure everyone has the opportunity to succeed…or fail here." CJ says that when you're in Brian's position, you should be watching every single move anyone makes. Cut to Brian standing in the well of the galley steps and pointing at the various cheftestants and checking in with all their dishes.

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Top Chef




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