Top Chef

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Cold Comfort

Alex then reminds us that while the competition is being set up as team vs. team, it's really still competitor vs. competitor. Amanda gives him a taste of her galantine and he taste cartilage, but DOESN'T TELL HER! Thus confirming Kenny's worst fears. Welcome to the Jungle, baby! It's hard to tell with Alex whether he is much of a dick in person as he is in his alone time with the camera. Is his confessional camera persona going to come as a complete surprise? Or does everyone know he is an asshat?

Ten minutes to service! The judges line one side of the table, while Angelo, Tamesha, Andrea, Stephen, and Kelly sit opposite. Angelo has used so much product in his hair that it has given up the fight and has laid down in silent protest. We still see your scalp! Amanda introduces her dish first: Chicken galantine with plum compote and some surprise cartilage for texture. Kevin brings out his surf and turf that is tuna paired with veal and sprinkled with romaine leaves, pine nuts, and "Mediterranean condiments", which I am pretty sure is just Heinz ketchup with a Greek label. Kenny offers a duo of lamb. One half is grilled lamb salad, the other is lamb carpaccio with black-eyed pea hummus. Alex has also offered lamb, but his is sous vide and coated in pumpkin seed dust and treachery. Ed made a vichyssoise and salmon and pumpernickel sandwiches. Judgment time, part 1!

Kenny's lamb is first on the chopping block. Angelo's strategy is clear: Trash everyone, but make the criticism sound really sincere. Kenny's lamb is too raw, Alex's lamb and beet puree are under seasoned, Amanda's galantine isn't cold enough and Andrea got the lucky piece of cartilage. Every time Andrea appears on camera they cut to Michelle Bernstein making a very carefully composed "non judgmental" face. Out of nowhere, Ed tells us that he hopes they send Amanda home. I don't think she should go home, because it would start a shame spiral that would cause her to start using again and maybe pulling a Jeremy London or maybe a Rachel Uchitel. That said, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew might need more contestants! Or maybe Sober House needs a cook.

Kevin's dish is next and everyone thinks it needs more acid. At that, Tom Colicchio has had enough. The dish is delicious! Quit being so freaking mean! They then start talking over each other as quickly as they can to start complimenting the dish in the hope that Tom will think they are nice. Tom is not quite that stupid. Tiffany thinks Kevin's dish is really nice! No, for reals! When Ed's dish arrives, egged on by Angelo, everyone quickly forgets to play nice and berates Ed for serving a dry sponge-like pumpernickel. Tom just sits back, shakes his head, and tries to understand the youth of today.

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Top Chef

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