Top Chef

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Cold Comfort

Then the cheftestants get to choose the best and worst dish. Kevin's dish easily takes the lead with everyone "concurring". Everyone except Andrea agrees that Kenny's dish is a conceptual failure and is nominated TO LOSE. Andrea just couldn't get over the fact that Amanda intentionally served her cartilage in front of Michelle Bernstein. The bitchy chefs excuse themselves to go cook their masterpieces.

And now it is time for one of Bravo's minisodes where we randomly and pursuant to nothing happening on screen now cut back to the house where the Top Chef contestants live. Andrea and Ed are trying to have a quiet conversation about Angelo, but they are not quiet enough to avoid Bravo's super sensitive Whisper 2000 microphones! Andrea calls Angelo "the ringleader", which I guess is rude? And Ed agrees, which I guess is also rude? Ed explains that he isn't letting Angelo get into his head. He's known him for years, you see! He knows his tricks! Also, they used to date the same girl! Hahahaha... wait. What? Angelo isn't gay? Was my gaydar thrown off by all the sexy salmon, soft duck balls talk? Ed laughs that back in college Angelo was dating a really pretty girl and Ed got her drunk or put a bag on his head or something and picked up Angelo's sloppy seconds. In case you didn't catch his meaning he spells it out: Ed "used to bang" Angelo's girl. Ed is super classy. I really don't know what is more surprising: That Angelo isn't gay or that Ed ever got laid. Regardless, this is all getting filed under Things I Did Not Need to Know.

Team B is preparing their dishes for the slaughter and after the roast they gave Team A, everyone is a little nervous. I wonder if Team A will have the balls to send Angelo to elimination? Or whether the glaring and suspicious eye of Tom Colicchio will keep them in check? Angelo is aware of the possibility and his nerves get to him. As if trapped in a nightmare from which he can't wake up, he watches himself over-condiment his dish and JUST CAN'T STOP! Oh the horror! Tamesha, however, has learned from her competitors' mistakes and is determined to not make any. Obviously this means she will make a whole bunch, but it's cute to watch her delude herself.

As soon as Team A sits down, Tom tells them that the bar for bitchiness has been set very high. Everyone laughs and whips out their pocket thesauruses to look up synonyms for "underseasoned" "bland" and "needing acid". Angelo hands his dish to a waiter warning him that "it's like a baby", which probably doesn't really inspire good service. If Angelo goes down it's because the waiter hocked a loogie in his dish AND HE TOTALLY DESERVED IT. Tiffany is up first. She has made a peppercorn crusted ahi tuna in gazpacho sauce. I'm not exactly sure how gazpacho "sauce" differs from just gazpacho, but I'm sure it is just a lack of culinary training on my part. Angelo presents his slow-poached sockeye salmon, but leaves off the "sexy" part, which is disappointing. It does, of course, have Asian flavors. Andrea made a tartare trio sure to make even Michelle Bernstein beg for seconds BUT SHE CAN'T HAVE THEM! Nope, no way. Stephen opted for steak with crispy rice and Tamesha made scallops with pickled rhubarb.

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Top Chef




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