Top Chef
Don't Be Tardy for the Dinner Party

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And then they spot Padma and famous chef John Besh standing in the field next to a bunch of picnic tables. It's time for the Quickfire Challenge. Padma tells them that they'll be cooking right there in the field, and there are survival kids in the trunks. They'll use the kits to cook the best dish they can. Okay, if those kits were in the trunks, where in the heck are their suitcases? I get that this was all a setup, but at least make it believable. There's no reason the survival kits had to be in the trunks, except I guess to demonstrate that you can remotely pop the trunks on their product-placed vans. The winner gets immunity, and they have thirty minutes.

They run to grab their kits, and Chris Moto sprints off to a nearby cornfield. Okay, does he know anything about corn? Because those stalks are all dried out and yellow. Like some people would grab those stalks, bundle them together, and make a nice autumnal display or tie it to a mailbox or something. But there's not going to be any edible corn cobs on that stalk. Not to mention that it's probably field corn and not sweet corn, so it's not going to taste very good regardless. I mean, nice try Mr. Local Produce but calm down with the sprinting. Everyone else digs through the bags and finds lots of canned and dried foods. They don't have tools or cutting boards either. And they're working on picnic tables that are much shorter than a typical counter, so they're all bent over. And then the wind blows, and makes it difficult to light their little camp stoves. It's a disaster.

One thing that's nice to see is that they're all swapping cans and packages as needed. Like Paul yells out that he has green chiles in a can and Chuy calls out that he can use it, so Paul tosses it over. People share vinegar and other items as well. Whitney (who?) mentions that the available ingredients include a lot of food that she would "never cook with in a million bazillion years." This challenge is lame. I mean, I like people having to be resourceful and all, but this is just using bad ingredients to make bad food. It's one thing when they have to build a dish around ONE bad ingredient (like the vending machine challenges) but this is just all bad ingredients. I feel bad for Padma and John Besh, who have to eat this crap.

Lindsay interviews that her dad would be proud to know that she's cooking something with canned Vienna sausages, because he used to eat them out of the can and she always thought it was gross. It is gross. Those are gross. Any canned meat product is gross. Ed notices that everyone else is making "mess hall food" and he says that he won't make "Flintstones food." Didn't the Flintstones just eat normal food but put the word Dino or Rock in there somewhere? Like Dino Burgers and Rock Fries? So Ed won't be using dinosaur meat. And then after bending over for so long, Ed pulls his back. Chris Moto is also shocked to find out that the corn didn't work for him, because it's too dried. Gee, did the brown and yellow leaves give that away? What a dummy.

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Top Chef

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