Top Chef
Food For The People

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TGI Top Chef

Padmadala walks in, wearing her crotchety shorts and her silver lamé stacked sandals, and tells them they have five minutes. Marcel tells us, "I was actually sort of stoked because I was one of the few people who had the proper consistency of an ice cream." He's a bit poncie to be sure, but I still don't hate him yet. Betty tells us she knew Marcel's flavor was going to tank with the public.

Redondo Beach Lagoon. Children are everywhere. Emily tells us, "I was hoping the demographic was not going to be a bunch of snotty little kids. It was a bunch of snotty little kids. I hate kids." I think I love her even more. Straps around their necks, the cheftestants hold their baseball game vendor steaming dry ice trays. According to Emily's Chow interview, one of them got a pretty serious chemical burn from the dry ice. She never said who it was, but I really suspect it was Marisa for some reason. It goes with the knife nick. The masses are lined up to get their small spoonful of free ice cream, and we are told that they will be the ones voting and determining the winner. I think it's odd that none of the judges partook in the tasting. They probably didn't want to deal with the extreme heat of the day. Betty jostles wildly around, singing about her ice cream to the kids. Seeing that she can't sit still, maybe she's the one who got the chemical burn. Marisa tells us that it was chaotic with all the kids, and it was not what she expected out of the challenge. She made a vanilla peanut with swirls ice cream. Doesn't sound too bad. Cliff talks up his marshmallow, graham cracker, and cookie ice cream, while Michael explains that his peanut butter, jelly, and banana ice cream was Elvis' favorite. Only if it has amphetamine sprinkles. Betty showcases her Redondo Beach Berry with "a homemade chocolate sawwwwwwce." She is so dramatic. It's getting annoying, actually. Ted Ilan explains that his waffle and bacon ice cream "is like eating breakfast." Of course, if you want to eat breakfast you could just... eat breakfast. But what do I know? Ted Ilan tells us that while some of the kids liked his ice cream, others hated it, but he thinks it's delicious and he's very happy with it. Carlos talks about his vanilla bean ice cream with marshmallows and avocados. He doesn't tell the kids about the avocados, just the adults. Smart move, dude. I think both Carlos and Michael act perpetually stoned in their interviews. As we move on to Sam and his ginger snap and citrus crumble ice cream, which sounds awesome, the bamp-chicka-bamp-bamp music whines up. I'm totally serious. Sam tells us, "I got voted one of New York's ten sexiest chefs, so it makes my ability to flirt better, so when the mothers are coming through with their children, I, you know, get them a little... riled up." As annoying a speech as that was from him, I have to admit he looked like he didn't even want to say "riled up." It was pretty funny. ["And fucking hot, you have to admit." -- Joe R] Emily tells us she thinks Sam is going to win "especially since all the pre-teen girls figured out he looks like Ashton Kutcher." On what planet does Son of Sam look like Ashton Kutcher? Ashton Kutcher is a boring smear of regular features; Son of Sam is much more interesting.

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Top Chef

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