Top Chef
Food For The People

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TGI Top Chef

Emily's up next, and Cliff helps her carry her dish down. She explains that she made "Super Slamming Surf and Turf." We don't get to hear what it is, but there is definitely shrimp and steak and corn or polenta. "Too salty," "Super salty," "Sloppy," and "Amateurish" are the results. Gail dramatically holds her hand over her mouth and says she can't eat any more.

Frank prepares his drug-induced 'shroom dish. It's so bizarre. It's just... really, very bizarre. First, he's got some dressed mesclun greens and then he has half an avocado perched -- round side up -- on one of those scored cucumber cylinders. He also has grilled portabello caps topping some sort of support -- a marrow bone? Pineapple? -- and the caps have, like, eyes or something, in the form of thinly-sliced rounds of yellow squash. Michael laughs that the dish is "a train wreck, Man." Man, when Michael says that about your dish, you know you're in trouble. Frank presents his dish and Gail comments, "I feel like I'm in Smurfland!" It's not "Smurfland" it's just the "Smurf village," God. After Frank leaves, Colicchio notes, "This is bizarre." I think you have to be one serious Baked Alaska to eat this dish. Oh, I see, the thing that I though was a marrowbone is actually puff pastry stuffed with mushrooms duxelle. And those yellow things that I thought were eyes are supposed to be the spots on a mushroom. A poisonous mushroom.

Next, Ted Ilan runs around with his Bacon Roasted Corn. Sounds absolutely incredible, but again, is that an entrée? Cliff serves his fish sticks and mac and cheese. His fish sticks are homemade, not frozen, and his mac and cheese is made with smoked provolone, gouda, and finished with maple-smoked lardons (fancy French way of saying "bacon"). While Gail exclaims over the spiciness (wimp), a firefighter gives Cliff a thumbs-up, and we hear Padmadala say, "Don't bogart the plate, my friend." All signs seem to be pointing to the fact that I needed to get high before I recapped this episode. Josie announces her Miami-Style BBQ Steak Skewers with Fire Roasted Salsa. We get no documented reactions, which means she's neither in the bottom three nor in the top three. Same with Elia, who presents her shrimp and tuna fish tacos with guacamole and fried beans with "real Mexican sauce." Because, remember, she's a real Mexican. Carlos dishes around his Chicken Fried Shrimp with Corn, Red Pepper, and Lime Salsa. Mia gives them her Mama Mia Meatloaf Sandwich with Spicy Ketcherella. Doesn't Ketcherella sound like a word Rachael Ray made up? ["Do not even start. I think six forum posters just worked themselves into a fainting spell at the sight of her name." -- Joe R] A fireman comments he's had frozen fries out of a bag that were better than Mia's fries.

Marisa tells us she decided to do a dessert because the Friday's menu only had four desserts on it and two of them were cheesecakes and two of them were chocolate-based. All she cares about now is not being in the bottom three. After bang-sifting some powdered sugar over the tops of the individual ramekins, Marisa presents her Strawberry Crisp with Pecan Streusel Topping, Fresh Vanilla Bean Whipped Cream, and Orange Caramel Sauce. A fireman tells Chef Friday's, "You know what? You guys need that."

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Top Chef

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