Top Chef
Food Of Love

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Bye Bye, Turdie

The chefs work, yanking out Wüsthof knives and Y-peelers. Andrea blathers how the chefs around her were getting all Swedish Chef with their fruit, but what she really wanted to do is put the whole basket of fruit on the table. Okay. God knows I love the easy way out in the kitchen, but come ON, Andrea! Do you really think you could get away with that in a real restaurant? Hello? Your patrons go to the farmer's markets and buy fruit and put them in baskets. They don't go to your restaurant and pay good money for you to go to the farmer's market, put fruit in baskets, and put that in front of them. Just stop with the earthy-crunchy, yoga-lolly crap and get with the vibe of the competition. Brian thinks this is a piece of (sexy) cake because he does this for his celeb clients all the time. Stephen sneers, "At this point I feel I'm little bit above cutting fruit and just scattering it all over the place." Oh, how I wish Gordon was here to butterfly him a few new ones! That should totally be the next Hell's Kitchen, by the way. It would be an emulsion of Gordon's Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen and be called Gordon's Cheffing Nightmares. All the competitive cooking reality-show castoffs would be shunted into Hell's Kitchen and Gordon would have his dog's dinner way with them. It would be such a beautiful thing. Although it might give poor Gordon a heart attack. Behind all the profanity, kicking, and throwing food, you can tell that he feels deeply and personally hurt when someone fucks up. Check out his face, it gets all screwed up like he's about to cry. You can't help but feel for the guy in that kitchen full of egos and idiots.

Stephen wants to "deconstruct" the whole thing and "blow everybody out of the water." Throwing up would be the ultimate in deconstruction. Lisa tells us she's never done a fruit plate, but her mother did them all the time. So did my mother! She sliced bananas and piled them in the center of the plate. Next, she placed orange segments and apple slices all around the exterior. She called them "arrangements" and I ate them while watching Zoom. I loved them. Miguel makes with some serious knife skills, and a banana broils on a burner. Tiffani tosses something in a pan and Lee Anne blowtorches a few raspberries. Awesome. For me, crème brûlée or crème caramel is like a dessert course of phlegm, but I still really want one of those mini blowtorches. I think my cats will respect me more if I have one. At the very least, they'll stop waking me up at 3 AM. Tiffani calls out lazily, "Blow torch? Who has it?" It's handed over, and Tiffani can't get it to work at first. Katie Leebot and Falkner return, and Katie Leebot instructs them to stop immediately. "I'm ready for a cocktail," Harold mutters. Oh, I got your cocktail, honey!

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Top Chef

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