Top Chef
Food Of Love

Episode Report Card
Keckler: C- | 1 USERS: A+
Bye Bye, Turdie

Harold tells us that the freezer was being opened so much that his gelato never set. Neither did Cynthia's bombe. The chefs pack up and head over to Union Square and Mr. S. The chefs goggle at the sex shop wares. "What kept running through my mind is, 'What do you do with that?'" Lisa tells us. Katie Leebot has downloaded the appropriate program for "sexy." She's wearing a black dress and has plumped her breasts for the occasion. She's also wearing eyeliner that flirts off to the outer corner of each eye in that Egyptian style. Frankly, I think Data is much hotter. Maybe it's because we know he is "fully functional," and the jury's still out on Katie Leebot. The Bot tells the chefs to pick a station, get set up, and change into their party clothes. They set up.

Cynthia laments her melting bombe. Stephen goes into a changing room, pulling a black latex curtain closed behind him. He tells us, "Everyone was asked to come up with some sort of sexy costume." He's going to wear a wine foil loincloth, isn't he? We cut to Candice pulling at herself as she twitches a sheer, form-fitting pink dress into place. She looks good. She's a model. Lee Anne walks out wearing a black low-cut dress that also looks pretty good. "Whether it was slick-cool or something completely out-there raunchy," Stephen continues. We cut to Tiffani, who is wearing a wife-beater with a black pleather skirt and tall black boots. She's also strapped on a black choker that is doing a good job of swallowing her entire neck. Stephen, who sexed himself up by taking off his usual tie and unbuttoning his shirt, says that Miguel took his costume to the next level. Miguel swaggers out of the changing room wearing a plaid wool coat with no shirt whatsoever, an ascot, his apron, and a Raggedy Andy red wig with a... tam-o-shanter? Really, Miguel? Someone says "sexy" and you say "tam-o-shanter"? Tiffani snots at Miguel, "That's disgusting, actually." Miguel asks Harold, who put on a simple black sleeveless shirt for the occasion, "You feelin' the stud?" The tam-o-shanter has a green bobble on top! Seriously, with the red wig and tam-o-shanter, Miguel looks like a Hispanic Fat Bastard. And that's not sexy. Lisa tells him, "I really wish you had not taken off your shirt, that's all." Hee. Miguel tells us that they had to sell sex that night and if they didn't bring sex to the table, they're going home. Honey, you brought screaming nightmares to the table, not sex.

The guests sashay-chantay in. There's pleather, latex, and other similarly binding material everywhere. RuPaul makes the scene in a red latex body suit. Tiffani tells us that RuPaul is "one tall bitch." Man, she really is. She stands next to Colicchio, the Bot, Gail, and Falkner and makes them look like the Lollipop Guild. RuPaul asks Andrea if her stuff is low-cal. "Yes, there's no butter, no saturated fats," Andrea beams. "Everything is organic," RuPaul confirms. RuPaul eats. "Needs butter," she decides. RuPaul announces to the judges that all desserts are sexy: "I mean, have you ever seen a fat person eat a creampuff? I mean, that's like watching someone have sex." The judges go around to the dessert stations. Tiffani explains her concept to Colicchio. People take a cookie, find a partner, tie the necklace around the partner's neck, and eat it off the neck. I do like the concept. A lot, actually. It's way more sexually interactive than anyone else's. Would it have killed anyone to prepare chocolate smear body shots or bring a can of Reddi-Wip or watched 9 1/2 Weeks beforehand or SOMETHING? Andrea explains "chocolate-covered peanut balls" to a black guy, who responds, "Oh, I have those!" and looks down. Heh. Lee Anne made Banana-Cashew Nut Spring Rolls with a Wasabi White Chocolate dipping sauce. Gail tastes and pronounces sourly, "Definitely taste the sesame." Lee Anne nods uneasily. When Harold tasted Lee Anne's sauce earlier, he told her he couldn't stand sesame. Lee Anne tells us that she didn't rename her dish to be overtly sexual because she thinks food is sexy. Yes, you already told us that, dear.

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Top Chef




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