Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
A Few Extra Mushrooms

They call back the two losing teams. Colicchio tells Team Blue that their boring food won't win the competition, and in fact, it will send them home. But not today. They are excused. Colicchio tells Team New that they failed in both conception and execution. Eugene overcooked both the rice and shrimp. Carla knew when things were going wrong, but she didn't speak up. Daniel still doesn't think their dish was bad, and his contributions made things worse. Colicchio would love to send all three of them home, but they can only pick one, and it's Daniel. Daniel heads back to the Stew Room and hugs everyone, and people seem genuinely sad to see the big goofball leave.

Okay, I have to transcribe Daniel's parting words, because they are both hilarious and tragic: "I was very upset they eliminated me. I don't think I shoulda been eliminated at all. I don't think the judges got, really, what I was doing. I think if I woulda thrown people under the bus, I woulda been here longer. I do feel like they made the wrong decision, but there's nothing I can do. It's out of my hands. You know, there's wrong decisions in football games, you know what I mean? Barry Sanders runs the ball. The guy grabs the back of his jersey. The ref didn't see it, but all the fans saw it. So everybody's booing, you know what I mean? The ref makes the final call, so there's nothing you can do." Okay, so in this scenario, Daniel is Barry Sanders? One of the greatest running backs of all time? And who is the guy grabbing his jersey? Eugene? Carla? Himself, in some sort of dual role? And presumably the refs are the judges, and the fans are the viewers. Does he think there will be some sort of mass uprising over his elimination? I will miss Danny and his weird facial hair, but he is dumb.

Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at

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Top Chef




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