Top Chef
Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

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Snake Eyes

Judges' Table. Gail takes Dave to task for a lack of flavor with his vegetables, and she wonders what his approach was. Dave, getting choked up, says that he wanted to keep the flavors light and healthy as a nod to Andrea. As a nod to Andrea, he could have beefed up the fat and served it with a laxative chaser. Ted thinks he thought too much of Andrea and didn't put enough of himself into the dish. He really should have salted it with his tears. Dave swears and says extremely tearfully that he's not ready to give up on the competition or on himself. He's very passionate about what he does, because he's really talented, and he's pissed and he's holding himself back and he wants time to prove he can do it because he knows that he can. "We appreciate that," Colicchio says blandly, "but I can tell you, at this table here, it is about the food." Miguel admits that he had a bad night "from the get-go." When Colicchio asks, Miguel STILL can't remember the name of the damn cheese. As bad a night as Miguel had, he still thinks he put together an okay dish. Colicchio tells Miguel, "Lee Anne and Tiffani thought you were a mess back there." EXCUSE ME? Lee Anne did not, not, NOT say that! Colicchio, you are a liar and an ass! "And Tiffani thought you should go home," Colicchio finishes. Miguel disagrees. He admits he "had a moment," but he regrouped and pulled through.

Andrea is asked if she feels she interpreted the dish as Miguel would have wanted her to. "Uh, no, I just made the latkes," Andrea says proudly. Well, at least she's honest. But she's honestly going home. Loser music plays. Colicchio tells her that's why she's there, because she only made the latkes, and also because it was a poor decision to serve them cold. Ted says she didn't put any of herself into the dish. "I put scallions in," Andrea smiles. Aren't scallions usually included in latke recipes? "That sounds like a garnish," Ted retorts. "Well, for some people it's a garnish, but for me a scallion is so much more. I see it as part of the allium family, it's rich in sulfur compounds --" Andrea explains. Ted interrupts that her healthy eating thing is all well and good, but in a competition she needs to bring it and blow the socks off the judges. They're excused because Colicchio says, "I've pretty much heard all I need to hear."

Time for some awesomeness. In the backroom, Miguel addresses to the group: "They said there was a coupla yous that felt I should go home, so I think I'd like to hear from those people why they felt I should go home." Tiffani smiles with forced bemusement at this funny little man saying his funny little things. She then tells Miguel that she thinks he made some "really novice mistakes" that night and that's what happens when you let your nerves take over. "I never said that it was time for you to go home," she adds. LIAR! You are just such a lying liar that I can't even believe it! Miguel demands to know if she's saying Colicchio is lying, Oh, god, Dave's big red polar-bear face is squinched up in tears. Miguel continues to demand an answer, and also wants to know if Tiffani is threatened by him. Tiffani, like a coward, puts up her hands and acts like she's being the bigger person when she says, "I'm taking myself out of this conversation." "So, you feel threatened, okay," Miguel decides. "Don't get confrontational, if you want to have a conversation with me, I'll have it with you but it's going to be on a very human [as opposed to canine, bitch?], professional level," Tiffani goes on calmly. Miguel tells Tiffani she's the most confrontational person in the house: "I have one war and it's with you. I'll have two eyes on you in front of me and one eye behind me." Now, how does that work? Tiffani shrugs. And then it gets better. "You're a snake," Miguel shrugs. AND THEN HE HISSES. "Ssss!" Oh, heavens. That was awesome. It's really more about how he hissed than the fact that he hissed at all (which is already pretty freaking awesome). If possible, he hisses very matter-of-factly. It's such a contrast to the actual act of hissing that it just makes the whole scene so much more surreal and hysterical. Plus, he opened his eyes really wide when he did it. Too damn funny.

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