Top Chef
Piggin’ Out

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C | 17 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Porks and Knives

Stephanie's sauce is "pretty off the hook," Carlos's Yucatan-style sauce is "wise to certain things about doing a hot sauce." Nina's Caribbean sauce is very spicy, and Justin's pepper hot sauce has anchovies and goes over well. Dr. John is kind of digging it.

In the end, Dr. John gives everyone props, but Nicholas, Carrie and Nina have the bottom sauces. Carrie and Nina had sauces that were just too hot. Brian's sauce, Justin's anchovy mix and Carlos's hip tang made the top of the list. Preposterously, Dr. John gets to choose the winner. He chooses Brian, then leaves to eat "more crawdads with that on it." Bye, Dr. John -- please come back all the time.

Padma says it's time to "pig out" for the next challenge and two guys wheel in a dead pig, sliced down the middle like a scene from Saw. No. It is so awful and sad. I hate it. Padma says the celebrated tradition of using the whole pig is celebrated around the world. Everything is celebrated around the world in this episode. I feel like Padma's writers are getting tired. In Cajun country, this practice is called "a Boucherie." Tony Rodriguez and guest judge Donald Link were those guys wheeling the pig in.

I want the Boucherie to go away, but it's about community, not looking into those dead pig eyes. Padma says for this challenge, the chefs will come together to create there own Boucherie, butchering their own 300 lb. hog. Tony Rodriguez reminds them that the butchering and teamwork are essential. Everyone is responsible for serving a dish and together they have to use the whole hog. As a treat, after seeing that dead pig, the guest judges will prepare a traditional Creole dinner.

The chefs gather around the corpse and discuss the menu. I can't with this episode. Nina and Nicholas claim the head, Shirley asks for the neck, Travis requests the backbone. Justin suggests that all eleven of them might create a clusterfuck over one pig. The way they're gathered around it and just casually lifting its legs makes me uncomfortable. Louis notes that one cut can make it go wrong for everyone, so butchering is important.

Together, they slice the pig apart, snapping its neck and cutting into its flesh. It is so horrible. Travis adds that he grew up butchering pigs and "It's an awesome feeling." I knew I didn't like him. This is it. This is the moment when I realize I could never be a chef and Easy Mac is fine, thanks.

Nick is breaking down the pig and Sara is bossing him around. The worst part, by far, is Nina and Nick splitting the pig's head down the middle with a knife. Why isn't there a mature audiences warning on this episode? Its bloody eyes bore (boar!) into my soul and I am seriously reconsidering bacon.

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