Top Chef
Quinceanera

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | 3 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Corn or Flour?

Padma gives them the challenge: create a dish using rattlesnake. Dakota interviews that she has a major fear of snakes. Padma introduces their guest judge, local chef Johnny Hernandez, and Sarah explains via interview that he's known for cooking game meats. Johnny tells them that rattlesnake meat is delicate, and can take spices, but needs a gentle touch. That sounds like someone's Match.com profile. Padma tells them that their ingredient is in the boxes in front of them, like the show would take on the insurance liability of letting them handle live rattlesnakes. Padma makes a two-year-old joke by saying that she wants to see some motherfucking snakes on some motherfucking plates. I guess you can't let that opportunity pass by, even if it is old.

Time starts and everyone cautiously flips up the lids on their boxes to find...a snake fillet. Not live snakes, duh. No fake snakes popping out either, to my disappointment. Everyone rushes around gathering cookware and ingredients. Richie tries to fillet his snake but he's just massacring it. Sarah tries to give him some advice, and then interviews that she knows Richie from Chicago, and his style is whimsical, while her is just really clean and simple. Dakota still hates snakes, but she's decided to make a fritter. She explains that she's cooked weird stuff before, like barracuda, but never rattlesnake.

Chuy (the one whose mom used to cook squirrel and bunnies) is familiar with snake cookery, so he's not worried. Paul is from Texas, so he wants to have a good showing. Is there anyone who's like, "I don't really care how I do in this Quickfire because I have nothing to prove." I know we're still getting to know everyone, but these talking head segments do get a little repetitive. Beverly is worried that her rattlesnake is too chewy. She should have printed up a sign about it before she started cooking: "Delicious rattlesnake can be chewy!!!!!!" Chris Moto hopes that he and Richie will end up being first and second in the competition. They're bugging me already.

Time is up! Padma either has a giant ice pack taped to her shoulder under her shirt or that's some sort of fashion statement? I don't get it. Here are the dishes: Sarah made flash-fried rattlesnake in brown butter sauce. Beverly made rattlesnake nigiri with Thai basil aoli. Is she only going to cook Asian style food? Just asking. Chris Hollywood made rattlesnake Nicoise with olive oil pudding and olive panko. Olive oil pudding sounds disgusting. I don't want any oil in my pudding, thanks. Chris Moto made cumin-breaded rattlesnake with bacon. Of course he used bacon. Aren't we done with bacon now? Except for, like, breakfast time and possibly on top of my cheeseburger? He also has on regular glasses, then a bandanna tied around his floppy hair, and then sunglasses in his hair. Please eliminate one of those things.

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Top Chef

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