Top Chef
Snacks On A Plane

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Chopping Broccolini
Oh, it's time for The Brian Show: Now with More MALARKEY! Brian says, "It's kind of crazy" -- too easy -- "because there's only six of us now." I know he's talking about cheftestants, but part of me is convinced he's talking about personalities. Brian goes on that it's "going-for-it time." I imagine O'Brian wondering, "What time is it?" He's about to check his watch, but MALARKEY! interrupts, "IT'S GOING-FOR-IT TIME!" and then grabs some Millers because he's really confused. Time ticks down and the cheftestants curse and plate.

Padma calls time, and Casey raises her hands above her head and sighs, "Oh, good morning, Padma!" MALARKEY! gives a guttural "Yeuaaah!" while squatting and clasping his arms between his legs. Yeah, I don't know either. It was sort of like a constipated quarterback waiting for the hike. CJ presents his date, blueberry, and mascarpone "shake" along with his crêpe with almond whipped cream and strawberries. Padma tastes and likes. CJ tells us he knew Padma liked his dish: "Like I said, I had girl power. If there were another Spice Girl, it would be Crêpe Spice." Sure, and she'd drape herself in a big poncho. Sex-y. Sara starts to tell Padma about her French toast with eggs and prosciutto, turning to CJ to ask what her dish is called. "Egg in a hole," he tells her. Padma yums over the maple syrup in the dish. We already know what Casey's dish is, but she also added some suprêmed segments of Florida grapefruit, and calls her blended salsa "chunky." It looks pretty smooth to me. Padma wonders if Casey cooks brunch at home a lot. Casey demurs that she doesn't really cook at home and there isn't much in her refrigerator. Moving on to Hung, Padma admits that she is not a steak and eggs fan, but his steak and eggs with toasted baguette, mushroom, and Drunkie Happie Smoothie changed her mindie.

Dale made a breakfast I would kill for. His green apple, ham, and onion frittata is topped with mustard hollandaise. MAKING IT NOW! Oh, god -- Brian (having lost the battle with MALARKEY!), has once again dived into the saltwater depths of seafood and presents a lobster and butter poached egg (butter poached egg?! My arteries are hardening just thinking about it), but to get the Full MALARKEY! I'll have to transcribe for my pretties: "WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS I DID A LOBSTER AND BUTTER-POACHED EGG WITH A LITTLE BIT OF A RED ONION AND A THYME-LEMON WITH SOME SMOKED SALMON KIND OF A SAUTÉ. ON TOP OF THAT YOU HAVE SOME KALAMATA OLIVES WITH SOME GRAPE TOMATOES, A LITTLE EXTRA-VIRGIN OLIVE OIL. UM, RIGHT HERE WE HAVE THE BLACKBERRY, RASPBERRY, AND BANANA SMOOTHIE." The funniest part is that throughout the never-ending story explanation, Padma just keeps saying, "Uh-huh." After sipping the smoothie, she wonders what the seeds are. "THAT WOULD BE THE BLACKBERRIES," MALARKEY! mutters. "You might've done to…strain it," Padma stones. Seriously, the woman is baked tighter than Sara's French-toast-hole thing.

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