Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A | 1 USERS: A+
What the Turducken?!

Colicchio says they now have to figure out who is going home. He asks Betty who she thinks should go home, but Betty refuses to answer. "I'll go first," Michael announces. "I was working my ass off today and Carlos made a salad for four hours." Carlos is asked who he would send home. "Betty's crème brûlée was a little bit lacking," Carlos says. Betty forces a big, tight smile. Padmadala turns back to Betty and says, "Betty, now that you've had --" "CARLOS IS OUT!" Betty screeches, throwing her thumb back. Gail cocks her head in confusion at Betty's throbbing vein. "GONE!" Betty goes on. When asked why, Betty says that Carlos salad was the weakest dish and adds, "I don't like Marcel -- Marcel is difficult to work with, so for that purpose alone I would vote that Marcel would be gone from the competition, but out of these two, it would be Carlos." The Native Americans are sent away so the judges can confer.

In the back, Betty screeches, "Carlos threw me under the bus again!" Michael says, "They were trying to get Betty to crack and we weren't leaving, until --" Betty proudly tells the group, which includes Marcel, "I said Marcel." She's such a bitch. "You chose him to go home? Really?" Sam exclaims, talking across Marcel. "I'm still not a fan of his tactics," Betty adds, also talking across Marcel. "Tactics?" Marcel repeats, "As a person?" Betty nods, not looking at him. HATE. "Yeah, I still think you're selfish," Betty says. SELFISH?! When he HELPED your haggy, pig-tailed ass? Oh, man, if you -- wait, sorry, Marcel, this is your fight. Go ahead. Let her have it. "Didn't I help you?" Marcel asks. "Yeah," is all Betty says. "Okay, did you ever once ask me for help?" Marcel asks. I assume he means, did Betty ever offer to help him. "I told you --" Betty begins to hedge. Marcel snaps and jumps to his feet saying, "You never once offered to help me, I help you --" "Come on, baby, bring it on!" Betty taunts. "How could you ever tell me that I'm selfish?" Marcel demands. He's waving his arms around like he's rapping this whole thing. It's really funny. "Well, let's see -- you came and didn't even help to set up that kitchen," Betty says. What?! "Did you help my set up my kitchen?" Marcel raps. "Marcel, I help you all the time," Betty says. Whatever. "Did you ask me if I needed help today?" Marcel demands. Betty starts to hedge again, "I told you --" "Did you ask me, it's a yes or no question," Marcel insists. "NO, IT'S NOT A YES OR NO QUESTION, IT'S AN EXPLANATION! SO SIT THE FUCK DOWN, IF YOU'RE ASKING ME A QUESTION AND LET ME TELL YOU THE ANSWER!" Betty squalls, her neck totally purple. And the paint just peeled all off my walls. Seriously, I think Betty's fishwife voice does not belong in the kitchen. Or around anyone who can hear. So, Betty, you get angry when you know you're completely and unabashedly wrong, don't you? Also, watching her neck pulse from blue to purple reminded me to put Scanners in my Netflix queue. I loathe Betty so damn much now. She has no excuse -- NO EXCUSE! She didn't offer to help Marcel yet she calls HIM selfish? And you better not call her on it because all the dogs in your neighborhood will start howling at the sound of her crazy-ass voice. "I'm not sitting," Marcel says, shrugging. "Did I have to help you?" "No," Betty says, "And I kinda wish you didn't because my brûlée was one of the things that sucked." Oh, I can't FUCKING believe her! You know, it's as pathetic as Tiffani blaming Harold because every other cheftestant thought she was such a bitch. "And you blame that on me?" Marcel asks. "Well, you were one of the people that did it!" Betty announces. No, Betty, you were the trollop who decided that putting nuts and crystallized ginger pre-brûlée was a good idea. Loser. "I thought we were cool," Marcel says. "You're still selfish and I'm not okay with that," Betty says, shaking her head. "I'm still selfish and you're still a bitch," Marcel adds. YES! YES! YES! "You know, I hope you fucking go home," Marcel finishes. Betty forces a smile but you can tell she's upset. Can't eat the shit you dish, can you?

The judges deliberate. Bourdain decides that Michael did his dishes with soul "and some kind of, maybe delusional, belief in himself." The other dishes are bashed as well. Gail says, "[Betty] really believed that it was the best she could do and that she gave it her all, well, if that's the best you can do, is this competition for you?" "No," Colicchio answers, "You know, I don't want to hear, 'I do comfort food.' Well? So do I. That's a poor excuse." Yeah, you never much liked Dave's comfort food even though he never used it as an excuse.

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