Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A | 1 USERS: A+
What the Turducken?!

Food Flurry. It's totally and completely satisfyingly hysterical when all the chefs run to the cans, and Betty is sort of the last one there, and she's all short and shit and can't really get in, so she has to push her way through.

Food Flurry and Culinary Cursing.

Presentation time. Cliff has a potato salad with baby corn and straw mushrooms topped with grilled anchovies and Mandarin orange vinaigrette. Cliff comments that his anchovies would have been better if they were fresh. "It's a canned challenge," Colicchio smilingly reminds him. Betty presents her mess of a dish (seriously, I can't think of a time when her food presentation has been impressive) of lemon hummus with beets, artichokes, green apples, and sage vinaigrette. Colicchio widens his eyes. Hard to tell what that means with him. Sam did "crunchy anchovies" over a garbanzo-beet salad with a lemon-Dijon vinaigrette. Marcel's dish contains hearts of palms with clams and coconut milk foam (FINALLY FOAM!) crème fraîche with trout and chervil, and finally, water chestnuts topped with Mandarin orange segments. Doesn't sound too bad except for the coconut milk foam, which is a bit bizarre. Colicchio asks what's the deal with the coconut milk foam. Marcel explains, "I think that the coconut milk goes nice with the hearts of palms and the clams." "Do you think so?" Colicchio asks, because clearly he doesn't. Mia made a "Fifteen Minute Salad" of garbanzo beans, green beans, artichoke hearts, and mint with mesclun mix. I hate it when the cheftestants give their dishes cutesy names. Colicchio asks why she put the mint in. "Just to give it a little bit of a twist," Mia explains. "It's actually really nice," Colicchio says. Ted Ilan sautéed canned spinach with cannellini beans and red chile flakes and added them to roasted new potatoes and roasted Vienna sausages. "Somehow you managed for it to lose its canniness," Colicchio says.

Elia explains that they don't have Thanksgiving in Mexico, but they have Christmas and this is what they eat. She has a fruit salad -- which looks bound together by something very white, maybe mayonnaise or yogurt? -- and a red pepper, kidney beans, shallot, and parsley hash. Colicchio doesn't get why the two are paired together. Elia explains when they have the fruit salad in Mexico, they have it with meat, so this is her meat. Colicchio doesn't appear convinced. Carlos made a Pasta Puttanesca using deviled ham, capers, tomatoes, and peas. To make a real Puttanesca, he should have used canned olives instead of the peas. I'm also not entirely sure why he didn’t use anchovies since we know they were available. Frank explains his totally repulsive (it's a texture violation for me) fruit and coconut salad with blueberry yogurt cream. Michael made chile and chive mashed potatoes and topped it with bacon-wrapped mini corn. It looks pretty de-fucking-licious, honestly. To us, Sam gives props to Michael for "putting himself out there" by attempting mashed potatoes in fifteen minutes. I can't really imagine it would be that hard with canned new potatoes. They're already fully cooked, right? So, you just heat them up in a flashed skillet and mash with loads of olive oil, cream, and seasonings. While the potatoes are heating, you cook the bacon. I wonder what the third canned item was, though. Maybe the olive oil? It does come in bulk can and we saw a few cheftestants (where's my goddamned check, Bravo?) using it, but I figured it might also be a pantry item.

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Top Chef




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