Top Chef

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Keckler: A | 1 USERS: A+
What the Turducken?!

Colicchio gives props to Cliff and Sam, but didn't like Marcel's clams because they weren't cold enough. He also didn't like how Elia put her two things together. Colicchio then does this bizarre thing of rearranging the cheftestants, "Ilan, I'd like you to stand over here. Mia, I want you to come up to the front here. Sam, you as well. All right, Cliff, you can just change places with Michael. And Frank, you can stay where you are." And now Carlos, could you arch your back a little more? Betty, put one leg up on a chair, and Marcel, put on this fancy hat and lick your lips. Colicchio announces that Sam is the winner. What the fuck was with all the musical stations? Mia tells us, "Chef Colicchio announced that Sam was the winner, and I'm thinking, 'Dammit, there I go again -- I'm that close to winning a doggone Quickfire challenge and it slips through my fingers.'" Colicchio then announces that Mia is also a winner. Say what? And Cliff. "Wha --?" Cliff says. Elia is shocked because she tried Cliff's food and she "speet" it out. And Ted Ilan is a winner. And Frank. Five winners who don't even have to cook in the Elimination challenge. The losers are tasked with making a Thanksgiving dinner "with a twist." They're supposed to use the "time-honored" Thanksgiving ingredients and be all cutting edge about it. They will be serving it to the usual judges as well as their winning fellow cheftestants. Suffice to say, the losers are a bit annoyed. Carlos thinks the Elimination challenge is "oxymoronic" and adds, "those are two things that are diametrically opposed," referring to Thanksgiving being cutting edge. Padmadala tells them they will be judged on their individual contribution to the meal and gives them an hour to prep in their lofts that night and then four hours the next day. The five winning cheftestants will drop off the canned food to a food banks and rest.

The Thanksgiving losers -- let's call them the Native Americans -- gather together to decide their menu. Betty is attempting to be in charge, of course. It's sort of a mess of people making suggestions and Betty saying no. Marcel also says no to Michael's idea of doing family style because it's not cutting edge. I've started to feel more sorry for Michael than I am annoyed by him. "You wanna do cutting edge? We could get a chicken, a duck, and a turkey, and make it into a --" A TURDUCKEN! HELL, YEAH! " -- like a chicken-turkey-duck lasagna." Or not. Betty starts yammering down Michael, and Carlos says, "Okay, I make a rule: you can only talk if you have the pepper mill in your hand." Like that's going to help things. Betty will just sit on it. Hugging the pepper mill in both arms and bracing it between her dinners, Betty says, "I think we should do plated soup, plated salad, plated dessert, and family-style Thanksgiving dinner." By the by, "family style" means that the food is served in a mass amount and everyone at the table helps themselves, rather than the kind of service when each person's plate being constructed and served to them individually. Michael tries to object to Betty's plan, but Carlos reminds him that he doesn't have the pepper mill. It's fucking Kidneygarten! Betty puts her hand over Michael's mouth and simultaneously hands over the boob sweat-drenched pepper mill. Michael bitches that no one would give him a chance to make his ideas heard. Marcel, who has the pepper mill now, starts suggesting an idea for the soup, "I was thinking with, like, with an egg custard at the bottom. Maybe like a bacon custard --" Betty tries to interrupt, but Marcel HYSTERICALLY holds up the pepper mill pointedly and flares his eyes at her. " -- or like a nutmeg custard," Marcel goes on. Good boy, Marcel. Now take that pepper mill and beat Betty about the head with it. Elia volunteers to do the soup, and in doing so, takes off her glasses and walks away from the group. Elia, oh Elia, what's wrong? She's muttering, "Such a mess." Elia tells us that, after the Quickfire, she is completely devastated and "demotivated." Marcel coaxingly asks Elia what soup she is going is going to make. "I'll probably just give them a shot of vinegar or something," Elia shrugs. Oh, Elia, please buck up -- don't throw in the egg-smeared towel yet. PLEASE! Marcel says, "I don't want any kamikaze action," and then tells us that he's concerned Elia will "bust out a suicidal maneuver" and he would hate to see that happen. Betty announces that if Elia's doing soup, she will do salad and dessert. Elia interjects that Betty cannot do both; she needs to split them. Betty asks if Carlos wants to do salad, he doesn't really want to do it, but he'll do it. He tells us that his plan for remaining in the competition is to just stay middle and safe. Think of what happened to the last person who said that -- you're so going home, Carlos.

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