Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A | 1 USERS: A+
What the Turducken?!

In the clean kitchen, Betty babbles about how pissy she's been feeling about the whole challenge. Elia agrees. Betty says, "Maybe it's my ego about being in the bottom five." Elia assures her it has nothing to do with ego. Elia tells us that she can take criticism when it's fair but right now she's just "really, really upset." Back in the loft kitchen, Elia fiddles with a large whisk in melted chocolate. "At my school they taught me not to leeck the wheesk," she says as she defiantly plunges the whisk into the chocolate and laps a long taste from it. Betty and Carlos laugh. "Or the spatula," Elia says, still licking. Betty smilingly tells us that, "Elia started to lose it a little bit." Back in the kitchen, Elia now has her hair trussed up in a towel and she instructs, "Make sure you have chocolate everywhere." And smacks chocolate on her cheek. Hey, chocolate facials are supposedly very good for your skin. Betty and Carlos continue to laugh uproariously at Elia's antics, even when Elia smears chocolate all over Betty's face. Betty is laughing so hard no sound comes out. Both girls attack Carlos' face with chocolate-coated hands. Betty tells us, shaking her hair all over the place and being very dramatic as per usual, "It's the perfect comic relief for this frustrated, rambunctious, angry, confusion. That we're dealing with." In the kitchen, Carlos laughs that he can't open his eyes. Betty rolls on the floor in hysterics, while Elia stands over her, chocolate hand on chocolate hip and notes, shaking a chocolate finger, "This is the professionalism." I just could not adore Elia more. I really couldn't.

In the other less chocolate-y kitchen, Marcel and Michael work steadily and soberly on their prep work. Marcel pours cranberry liquid into a cupcake tin and notes, "The cranberries are floating. I did not anticipate that." It's a pretty clueless chef who doesn't know that cranberries float. At the very least, watching Ocean Spray commercials with those two Bartles and Jaymes-ish guys standing in a cranberry bog should give you some clue. Time's up for the day.

The Pilgrims rest and sleep on their day off. Marcel joins the Pilgrims in the communal loft and explains what he did with the toiletries and things that were cluttering up the kitchen counters in the other loft. Frank seems to be standing there listening to this and not really reacting. It's hard to tell if he's really there, putting an orange shirt over some fat gold chains and his big hairy belly, but that's what Bravo wants us to think. Son of Sam tells us that Marcel is selfish and hard to work with, "He seems to think he's a cut above everyone else." In the next scene, Son of Sam says to Frank, "Your roommate threw your fucking toiletries on the ground, if that kid was my roommate and threw my toiletries on the ground, man --" Son of Sam just exhales to let us all imagine what he would do. I'm fairly certain it has something to do with making a potholder out of Marcel's hair and ladles out of his femurs. Frank sits there, sort of benignly smiling and says, "I haven't dealt with that particular situation yet." I really feel as though he said that and then followed up with the ensuing threats of violence just to save face. Just to be on Team Cool with Sam. If Sam hadn't goaded and instigated, I really don't think Frank would have acted on it. Next scene, Frank is walking down the hall with a glass of wine in his hand. That's going to be very helpful for his already scary, intense mental state. He checks out his room and his toiletries and sees his Dopp kit on the floor. And once again, we can see that the toothbrush is IN the Dopp kit not ON the FUCKING floor. Frank tells us, "I go back to the room to discover that, yes, my toothbrush is on the floor." Liar. Bloody, bloody liar.

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Top Chef




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