Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Keckler: A | 1 USERS: A+
What the Turducken?!

In the Toothbrush Kitchen, Marcel and Michael work. Marcel tells us that he was the only one who really understood the concept of the challenge and was using cutting edge techniques.

Non-Toothbrush Kitchen, Carlos is pretty happy with his salad. He knows it's not his best effort, but he doesn't think its as bad as Michael's sides. "Beige, beige, beige!" Carlos announces. Michael rebuts to us that Carlos spending all that time on a salad is just setting himself up to go home. Betty barks commands about what order the dishes will go out, but then Colicchio walks in and she's all bright and smiley and "Hi, Chef!" Behind Colicchio walks Anthony "Eat My Nasty Bits" Bourdain. Colicchio announces that he brought a guest who needs no introduction. The Native Americans React with various bowing and scraping. Michael tells us, "He's not afraid to tell someone their food sucks; I just hope he doesn't tell me I suck." Colicchio and Bourdain leave.

The Pilgrims are already seated at the table when Colicchio and Bourdain walk in. The Pilgrims get very excited when they see who will be eating with them. Bourdain looks bored by the reaction. I'll be he'd take more interest if they were snorting coke through pig penises. The Pilgrims go through their various bowing and scraping motions. "Looking forward to smashing their hopes and dreams and ambitions," Bourdain tells the group calmly.

The meal gets underway with Michael sauntering his amuse bouche out. Michael explains, "All right, so I just got a little canapé. It's turkey meat, kind of a little spin on deviled egg. Happy Thanksgiving, it was a pleasure to serve you." Michael leaves. Everyone likes the canapé, even the Pilgrims. Carlos serves his roasted butternut squash salad with chipotle peppers, queso fresco, and pumpkin seeds next. "It was bland," Frank says. Since he really doesn't seem to be a salad sort of guy, I really wonder how good a judge Frank is when it comes to them. Colicchio thinks "it's a bunch of mesclun greens" and notes that the fried onion garnish was burned. He adds, "I'm not really sure I get the dish at all." I hate it when the judges say that -- there's just something so ambiguous yet snotty about it. It's a shrug and shrugs are rude and dismissive. Anthony Disdain delivers his judgment as he toys with the remains on his plate, "It's limp. It's unattractive." I don't really see how a colorful salad is "unattractive," Bourdain. You're unattractive!

Elia dishes up her mushroom soup and brings it out. It's a portobello and button mushroom cream soup with walnuts and chives. Everyone likes it. Time for Marcel's third course: a turkey roulade with stuffing in the very middle and a cranberry gelée with cranberry foam. Son of Sam shoots down the roulade for being so dry. Ted Ilan gets in on the Marcel bashing and says, "I think there's way too much cranberry." "A bit too tart," Cliff adds. Now it's time for Frank's red face and elevated rant, "Marcel's plate has been a mirror image of EVERY PLATE THAT HE'S DONE IN THIS WHOLE COMPETITION! I can't stand the little punk." What the hell is he ranting about? Marcel hasn't really had the opportunity to do foams and gelées for all his molecular gastronobragging. So far, he's done ONE gelée, ZERO foams, and ZERO roulades. So, Frank? Please do take a ten-year-old fruitcake and cram it sideways. After watching Frank turn the same color as the cranberry gelée, Padmadala says she doesn't mind the roulade, since, after all, they did ask them to do something cutting edge. Bourdain agrees that the roulade is too dry but he likes the idea behind it all: "Astro Boy has balls." Frank just sits there, quietly stewing in a juice of his own squeezing. Colicchio sycophantically agrees that Marcel took a stand. Michael comes back with his trio of sides: twice-baked potato with shrimp; parsnip mashed potatoes; and corn with parmesan. Michael leaves. Mia frowns as Bourdain laughs, "This is an atrocity! Two potatoes, I mean, and it's all white too!" "All white!" Gail repeats. Bourdain sort of goes on a bit more. Cliff shakes his head, but it's hard to tell if he's shaking his head over what he's eating or because Bourdain is rather overstating the case. Finally, Bourdain gets in his big sound bite and asks Colicchio: "What kind of crack house are you running here?" Well, you would know from crack houses. Colicchio makes a big show of laughing hard at this rapier wit. Mia announces she is enjoying the twice-baked potato more than the dry turkey roulade.

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Top Chef




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