Top Chef
The Raw And The Cooked

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B- | Grade It Now!
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Surfin' So Sorry

Betty tries to entice people with her revolting-looking dish -- I believe someone on the forums called it a "flesh Twinkie" -- of Black Forest ham (that's ham? Maybe someone should make sure the pig that ham came from isn't anemic. It's all grey and nasty; it looks like turkey) wrapped around eggs, corn, and leeks and served on "rustic" toast. The judges don't mind the flesh Twinkie and think Betty's presentation is really nice. Betty gleefully tells us that as she looked around, she could tell that some of the guys were "really sweatin' it." Frank explains his jacked-up quiche, which is now a zucchini and salmon scramble. Next to it is a plastic cup filled with "cannoli cream," strawberries, and a folded stroopwafel. I could wax nostalgic and braggy about memories of my Dutch grandmother making stroopwafels in her Michigan kitchen while letting me lick bowls and spoons and stuff, but I really have no such memories, so I won't.

Frank complains that because he couldn't regulate the heat on the fire, he dried his eggs out. Not to toot Betty's claxon, but her eggs worked out fine. I think you "regulate" heat on a fire pit by a lot of off-heat, on-heat. Plus, just like any grill, there are cooler spots on the fire where the flames aren't at their full strength. The judges don't like Frank's dish. Gail especially hates brown and rubbery eggs ["She does? When does she mention that? Besides 'for the last twenty minutes of the episode'?" -- Joe R] and thinks the cannoli cream has no place with such a mess of a dish. So, would they rather he have trashed the cannoli cream cup and just had them eat crap? I mean, I see what she's saying here, that the cannoli cream is all superior and shit, but still, to say that it has no place with the eggs implies that he never should have handed it out at all. In his place, I would have been thinking the cannoli cream was the only thing that could save his brown and rubbery ass. Cliff describes his chicken-apple sausage and sweet potato hash with chive-scrambled eggs. He thinks he's in big trouble because he knows his dish looks like a plate of mess. He really wanted to slide a sunny-side-up egg on top of the hash but couldn't pull it off. Elia did. Elia rocks. I love Elia. The judges concur that Cliff's dish is sloppy and gritty. Colicchio points out how surprised he is not to have had sand in any of the other dishes until now. And the messes just keep on coming. Sam's dish looks like ass. Sam knows his dish looks like ass. The judges think Sam's dish looks like ass. "It looks like grey eggs and ham," Colicchio snorts. Gail announces, "I don't find this look at all appetizing."

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Top Chef

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