Top Chef
Top Chef Holiday Special

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B- | Grade It Now!
It Came Upon A Sniff And Sneer

Stephen: Celery Root Gnocchi, Veal Osso Buco, and Poached Pear with Pistachio Tuile. Osso Buco? A braise, when you have three hours to cook? Good luck. Tre confides in us that he was going to use celery root, but Stephen bought it all. However, he's not bummed because when he looked at Stephen's celery root, it was all green, so he wouldn't have bought it anyway.

Betty: Cherry Duck Beignets with a Port Reduction Sauce, Rack of Lamb, and Almond Baklava with White Chocolate Mascarpone and Raspberries.

CJ: Beef Carpaccio, Goose Breast with Oyster Stuffing (aw, he's all Dickensian!), and Cardamom Panna Cotta.

Tiffani: Bacon-Wrapped Apple, Duck Breast Spaetzle, and Butterscotch Pudding. What, no stolen vanilla panna cotta with amaretto?

Josie: Duck Duo, Turkey and Gravy, and Oysters Rockefeller. Yeah, she's not going far.

Tre: Seared Scallops, Veal Loin Mac & Cheese, and Lamb Chops. That's a heavy menu with no sweet finish, dude. Tre notes that he knows what happened when he tried pastries in Season 3, so he's not going that route again. Why don't these people come to these things prepared with a solid dessert?

Sandee: Mushroom Soup, Fried Turkey Breast, and Chocolate Pecan Pie. Sandee notes she's made pie crust only once before. Then why...?

Marcel: Roasted Monkfish, Dumplings, and Lamb Chops.

It's so hysterical when they check out, because there's a big pink Breast Cancer Awareness bag at the check-out, which made me think this was filmed in October (Breast Cancer Awareness Month), and then CJ calls, "Thanks guys, jingle bells, thank you" to the checkers.

They all rush to the Washburn Culinary Institute and start running and cooking and interviewing. Stephen says something about all the cheftestants there being in the top tier of all three seasons, which, no. Sandee? Josie? Not top tier. Even Stephen is there only because Dave's not and Lee Anne can't. Hell, Mikey and his Cheetos penis lasted longer than Betty. Soon enough, Betty starts to unravel because she can't find her yeast. Did she check between her legs? "Keckler's mind is as dirty as Betty's crotch!" McCheese screams from the couch. ["[Hoarrrf.]" -- Sars] Tre opines, "In my mind, once you have a flaw or a weakness, you don't spread it around the kitchen." No comment. I've already grossed myself out enough. (Not to mention my guests.) Betty starts talking to herself about using her phyllo instead and doing a duck baklava. I hate the way she thinks out loud here, because it's just a ploy to get the cameras on her.

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