Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Kim: C- | Grade It Now!
Watch Nothing Happen

A viewer wants to know about nicknames. They made that up. Not one person actually wrote in and asked about nicknames. So Patrick was Pocket Chef, Richard was Big Gay Rich, and Jeff was Don Sorbet Johnson. My favorite part of this segment is that, at one point in a store, Jamie is scratching her back with the same back scratcher my husband bought me for a dollar. That thing rules. Hosea was O.T. for Old Testament, since that's where his name comes from. (That sentence made me think of an old Beastie Boys lyric: "I come from Brooklyn cuz that's where I'm from." It was about as grammatically mangled. Sorry.) Daniel was Gummi Bear, Leah was Ho Fo Sho, and Ariane was Cougar. Now this whole segment makes sense -- it was all to introduce the T-shirt they give to Ariane that says, "I'm a cougar in the kitchen." Also, Ariane says cheftestants -- shoutout to Keckler!

A viewer wants to know about Gail's wedding. No one cares. Seriously. No one does. I mean, Gail does. And her family and friends, maybe. Another viewer wants to know why Radhika always made Indian food after saying she didn't want to be known for it, and Radhika says that her food was Indian-influenced, but not traditional Indian. Another viewer wants to know why Jamie had such a puss on her face at all times. Clip package of Jamie being annoyed, pissed off, and defensive. Jamie laughs at the footage and then says that she's really hard on herself, but she doesn't think she acted that way on the show. Her fellow cheftestants disagree, but Carla says that it was a defense mechanism, and Jamie probably isn't like that when not on the show.

Andy asks Jeff why he told People that Tom's food was boring. Jeff says he was misquoted and it broke his heart, because he doesn't think that at all, and Tom says he understands and has been misquoted before. Hmm. Do I believe the misquoted story? It happens. I don't buy it in this case, I have to say. But Tom does, so I guess that's all that matters. Andy asks Jeff why he thought the show used him as a sex symbol. Jeff says his wife pointed out that every show started with him topless, and he didn't know what was up with that. It's a valid point but tough to explain without coming off like you think you're awesome.

The questions are coming fast and furious now. Another viewer wants to know why so many of the male chefs this season were bald. Hosea, Stefan, Eugene, Patrick, and Colicchio were all bald, mostly by choice. Oh, and Toby is bald as well. Gail tells a really unfunny story about being in a room with Hosea, Stefan, Toby, and Tom and feeling like the odd one out. Good one, Gail. Then there's Phun with Photoshop where they show different cheftestants with fake hair on a big screen. Again, this is something that would be hilarious if you were in the room, but stick it in a blog, people. Don't waste my viewing time with this crap. Then everyone talks for a while about what a sex symbol Tom Colicchio is, and I'm still bored.

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Top Chef




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