Top Chef
Wedding Bell Blues

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | 1 USERS: F
The Cake Mix Controversy

Oh, here we go with more Stephen insanity. Stephen is in the dining room, counting things and writing things down, as the servers watch him. Harold reminds us, "The next course is Stephen's amuse bouche." Stephen asks the wait staff, "So, does everyone know what we're doing tonight?" Is he fucking serious? He's asking the wait staff at a hotel if they're aware of what their job is that night? "We're doing a wedding reception, which I'm sure you've done hundreds of. You know, essentially, it's a wine dinner," Stephen goes on. Essentially, it's a what? Says who? He needs to take that cork out of his ass and stop turning EVERYTHING into a FREAKING wine pairing! Stephen then starts going over the glassware, explaining what wine will be in which glass. And he doesn't stop with just "this is the for the red, this is for the white," oh no, he goes further and says stuff like, "It's from the Vin de Pays, you know, the South of France." However, instead of pronouncing it as "pay-ee," he pronounces it as "pay." He's an idiot. Hysterically, the wait staff just stare him down, poker-faced. Dave bitches to us that Stephen was nowhere to be found. Stephen shows a complicated drawing of the dining room and seems to be explaining what tables are. Lee Anne tells us they didn't need Stephen to be their liaison between the kitchen and dining room. Yeah, I'm assuming the captain of the wait staff would fill that role. In fact, Lee Anne next points out that they had a captain. The camera zooms in on the captain, who is suffering this fool patiently.

In the kitchen, the cheftestants discover stickers on something of Stephen's and realize they have to wash them off because Stephen didn't. Harold also bellows about needing silverware washed and where the hell is Stephen? Turns out, they had just bought more CHINESE SOUPSPOONS for Stephen's course, and they came in dirty and stickered, and Stephen hadn't done a damn thing about it. Tiffani tells us that the "frickin' soupspoons" put her "over the edge with Stephen."

The Scotti arrive at their reception. Lee Anne announces to the kitchen that they're going to get it done, with or without Stephen. Looks like all the other cheftestants are plating Stephen's course. Dave asks, "Donde top sommelier?" Well, he's out explaining to the wait staff about pouring wine. I am so not kidding. "Three-ounce pour. Pour the wine, and then move over to the next, move over to the next, the two of you are done. Next table!" quoth the Stephen evermore. Stephen defensively explains to us, "I needed to talk to some of the members of the hotel and making sure that the EXECUTION -- the foremost important part of this whole entire event -- was intact." Never did the Scotti express an interest in wine service being part of their wedding banquet. Never once did anyone say that the wine service was the most important part of the entire event. The most important part of the entire event was THE FREAKING FOOD, STEPHEN! Stephen seems to be back in the kitchen, giving orders about how to preserve his amusing plate of Lobster Harumaki (Japanese spring rolls), Glazed Oyster with Yazu (Japanese citrus) Marinated Roe, and Crab Soup Dumplings. Stephen keeps being defensive with us, "A chef's responsibility is to delegate. He is a leader, he is a manager in the kitchen, no one took on that role. No one except myself." Oh, Stephen, if you say goodbye to us tonight there will still be foodies left to fight. What else could I do? I'm just so tired of you, you haven't cooked here for the longest time.

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