Top Chef
Wedding Bell Blues

Episode Report Card
Keckler: B | 1 USERS: F
The Cake Mix Controversy

In the dining room, the Scotti explain the purpose of the amuse bouche to their guests. The guests are amused. Marcy tells the Bot, "The oyster wasn't bad and I like that, I'm partial to that, whatsitcalled, wazoo?" I assume the wedding planner to the stars who knows absolutely everything, according to the Bot, means "yazu." And not "butthole."

In the kitchen, Harold off-handedly tells Stephen that he has to learn how to separate his desire to instruct the staff from his duties as a chef. Harold tells us that he pulled Stephen aside and told him to stop fucking around with the front of the house. Stephen makes his argument that the staff was planning to go out with stuff on trays (horrors!) and it was all going to get instantly cold.

Next up in the dining room is Harold's Seared Salmon and Green Papaya Salad. "He is having issues," Dave tells us, meaning Dave. Harold restates that he wasn't thrilled with the quality of the fish, so he was referring to his dish as the "Green Papaya Salad." The Scotti agree with one another that the dish is flavorless. They think the salmon is "fishy." After six years in Boston and three years in San Francisco, I think that Atlantic salmon tends to be more fishy in flavor than Pacific, and if it wasn't even the best quality, well, yuck. Poor Harold. The judges comment that the salmon was cold. Guests tell the camera, "The salmon was USELESS!" and "I was all of a sudden at a bad convention -- it might as well have been boiled chicken."

Lee Anne tells us that spirits were low in the kitchen. The Lovers' Nests come out with two colorful origami cranes on each plate. The guests like it. We don't know what the judges think. Back in the kitchen, they're getting the Peking beef ready. "We're going to have some time on this next course, okay?" Stephen announces. "What do you mean we're gonna have some time, the dude just told me to fire it!" Harold retorts. Apparently, they're doing toasts in between courses, and Stephen is just screwing things up. Yeah, I don't think you stop service for toasts, do you? I mean, if so, those toasts were badly planned. Stephen asks a waiter, "Is the whole dining room cleared?" It is. "Wow, that was fast," Stephen mutters and heads back to the kitchen. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Harold's frustrated. The captain comes in and says they're ready for the next course. The Peking-Style Beef with Crispy Scallion Pancakes and Cucumber Salad is served. Tasty.

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Top Chef




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