Top Chef

Episode Report Card
Chuck: B | 2 USERS: A+
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Wedding Hells
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Thank goodness for Bravo -- if they didn't rerun everything about 900 times, I'd be in big trouble, since my TiVo ate the recording of Wednesday night's 75-minute show. (It is not, I must admit, beyond the realm of possibility that in a haze of wishful thinking I sleep-deleted the episode, which is preferable to sleep-driving to Arby's for a sleep-binge, but still disturbing -- ah, Ambien.) The rerun, I see, is a standard 60 minutes, which I hope means they've edited the crap out of the episode, but in all likelihood simply means shorter commercial breaks -- let's find out!

Antonia's psyched that there are still four women left -- four men, four women, which is unusual for Top Chef -- usually there are more men left than women by this time. Nikki maintains that, as a woman, you have to be a fighter and a competitor -- which, of course, you don't if you're a man. Too bad Nikki seems incapable of taking her own advice. While I'd love to see a woman take top honors as well, I'm not sure who, out of these four, that would be -- it would have been Stephanie, but she's been a disappointment for the past few weeks (really, that tomato and peanut butter concoction seemed like a disaster). It's certainly not Lisa or Nikki, and I'm still not sold on Antonia. Come to think of it, I'm not sold on any of the guys either -- Richard's clearly the talent to beat, but he's such a tool. Oh, and goodbye Mark -- he was such a non-entity by the time he decamped for greener pastures that I won't miss him, although it seems that Andrew and Spike feel differently. They liked the mop-topped kiwi, but Spike, still in bed, asks Andrew if he's ready to move in, and it looks like those two will be just fine. That exchange was not in the version I'm watching, but I swear it was there in the extended remix -- unless the Ambien kicked in before I even took it -- which means they did cut the episode! Suddenly a TiVo accident seems like a brilliant strategy, although I hereby apologize for not capturing every fabulous moment of the lengthy original in my scintillating prose.

Surprise! Colicchio stands next to Padma, who is sporting the pinnacle of Civil War-era military fashion with a tricked-out slate gray jacket. No guest judge today. Padma explains that it's time to "up the ante," sounding like she's just eaten a handful of marbles. Upping the ante means no more immunity for Quickfire winners, as well as a reworking of two favorite challenges from season's past. Said reworkings require two teams of four, so knives are drawn (it's Team Fork and Team Spoon for those of you who care about such things, although the names have no significance whatsoever). It's Andrew, Richard, Stephanie and Antonia versus Dale, Nikki, Spike and Lisa (who, thankfully, has decided to wrap a bandana around her dirty, stringy mess of hair -- too bad she can't do the same with her face). Wow -- that is a huge mismatch. I wonder who will win!

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Top Chef

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