Twin Peaks
Episode Eleven

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Mr. Holland's Opus

Back in Ben Horne's office, Ben pretend apologizes for his refusal to trust Cooper when he first came to him with news of Audrey's disappearance. Now he's one-eightying the day away, promising, "You and Audrey have a special relationship. You, of all people, understand her value to me," while the propaganda of the videotape flickers in the background. Ben continues, "They want to make the exchange tomorrow. Audrey for a hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars. Cash. But I must ask you. Will you take it there?" Don't do it, Coop. These are dark forces, far too boring and French for you to ever fully comprehend.

The door cracks open a smidge at the Packard house, and through said door are revealed the smallish hands of a youngish, pubescent boy carrying armfuls of gifts that are simply too bulky and awkward for the carny-ish hands to…oh, crap, it's Josie Packard, just off of an ambiguous "business trip" long enough to have allowed her to do many devious things, but just short enough to have been the aborted-due-to-lack-of-exhibitors'-interest press tour for Autumn in New York. She's been shopping. For a second X chromosome and a growth spurt, I had hoped. But clearly, this was not to be the case. Pete enters the room, and she dumps her parcels and hugs him vigorously. Then, no stranger to conversational awkwardness herself, she unsegues, "Y'know, I keep thinking about Andrew. What he would have done about the fire. Thank goodness Katherine was here to handle everything." Uh-oh. Looks like our little boy still has a lot of growing up to do. Pete tells her that Katherine died in the fire, which we already knew and, quite frankly, so did she. They hug and hug. Pete tells her tearfully that they are planning a service, but that they haven't found the body, so they don't really know what they'll be burying. Well, if you're just looking for a warm body to fill the coffin, I can suggest numerous possibilities. Hey, Xiu Xiu? Mind getting "sent down" for the greater good of the show, or what?

Moodily blowing trees (tm Holland! Yeah, whatever!) dissolve to the interior of One-Eyed Jacks, where Emory Battis, with whom I have just about had it, escorts Audrey into Blackie's office, which contains Jean Renault (with whom I never had…oh, forget it). Audrey is dazed and black and blue, and she tells Jean, "he hit me." Emory begins to blather on about acting in a "professional manner," and his little homily is ended by another small conversational impediment, this one called "death," when Jean unearths a gun and takes Battis down with one silenced shot. Yay! More! More! Audrey starts to cry, and Jean Humbert Humberts over to her and hugs her too vigorously for reasonable etiquette to knowingly allow.

Did Kyle MacLachlan have a head cold when they filmed this episode? 'Cause I'm not jiving with his Humorless Cooper character he's been cultivating this episode so far. And so it continues: Cooper interrupts the identical non-argument between Andy and Lucy this evening at the sheriff's station, and he sends Andy out of the room and the station to finally ask for Lucy's side of the story. All of which would have been very cute and quirky. If it had happened ten episodes ago. Here's some of it: she and Andy used to go out but now they don't anymore, because after a year and a half of their relationship, she began to "notice things" about him, things like "he never exercises, he never washes his car, and he doesn't even own a sports coat!" And then the cute part that redeems the whole sequence. If it had happened ten episodes ago. "After I watched this TV show, I decided I needed some 'Me Time,' during which we didn't see each other, during which period I met Dick Tremaine." Andy lingers just outside the station door, pacing. She continues on about Dick: "He had lots of coats, and keeps himself and his car in great shape. Most of his behavior was asinine, but at least he was different." Don't it just melt your heart? C'mon, folks, sing along with me if you know the words: Awwwwww. Cooper lightens things up considerably by phrasing his response ever so subtly: "Are you still seeing this ['I'm in on the joke here, but who isn't, really' pause] Dick?" She's not. She cries and walks away, crossing Truman on his way into the kitchen. Cooper apologizes for not being able to help, and Truman expresses sympathy. And then, without warning, the second-season subplot clearance rack drops its prices yet again and allows for Cooper's next in a series of generally non-fun character developments that would pretty much serve to undo his character in short order. Yawn along if you know the words: "Harry, I've got a dangerous situation. I've examined every possible angle and I believe there's only one way to proceed." He needs a Bookhouse Boy. And he can't tell Truman why. Ooooh, intriguing. If it had happened…oh, never mind.

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