Twin Peaks
Episode Fourteen

Episode Report Card
2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Unless General Smarminess Is A Crime

Hey, look. A shot of a police cruiser with lights a-blazing driving on an empty road toward the camera. Does this shot look familiar to anybody? It should, seeing as it is the exact -- not as in "reshot identically," but more as in "yanked from the stock footage vaults of this unicorn-like myth called quality television" -- shot used in the pilot when Bobby and Shelley are driving past it in the other direction toward Chez Johnson in the early, early goings. Mmmmm…early Bobby. Hi, Early Bobby. I sure hope David Lynch remembered to pick up his five-cent deposit (ten cents in Michigan), seeing as he has decided to reuse, reduce, and recycle so liberally. Because so few people sticking around for Episode 14 would be expected to have watched Episode 0. C'mon.

The cruiser this time carries Hawk to Harold Smith's house. The inside of the house is in total shambles, papers and flowers scattered on the floor, the desk overturned, blah. Hawk knocks on the door, repeatedly calling out Mr. Smith's name (I don't want to backstory too furiously here, Hawk, but my guess is that he's in there somewhere), then enters the house to see Harold's Dockers-clad legs suspended in the middle of the greenhouse. Dead and hanged. The green thumb turned blue. Harold Smith wore khakis. Moving on.

The Louis Armstrong version of "What a Wonderful World" (the industry standard, if you ask me) kicks up suddenly and rings through a pan of the Palmer living room so sustained that the red battery light on the camera begins to blink, threatening to shut down production entirely. On the Twin Peaks Music Not Written by Angelo Badalamenti and Featuring More than One Dreary Minor Chord Soundtrack Extravaganza, this track is going to be one lonely, lonely cut. Sarah (Yay! Where you been, Loonykins? Mental institution? Nah. Hair salon? Oh, definitely not) and Leland are sitting in a back, er, sitting room of some kind enjoying a tall and refreshing glass of Fresca (okay, just kidding, it's really coffee) when Maddy enters. Leland smiles disturbingly and celebrates the fact that Maddy "got some Tab Cola with a shot of vanilla flavoring syrup and a sprinkle of mint julep" (or "got some coffee," is what I believe he actually says. You can practically hear Juan Valdez splashing around, Scrooge McDuck-style, through his mounds of cash generated from this show's tireless regeneration of the Coffee Bean Industry. And they say this show hurt people's careers. Well, we say it, anyway. Not Juan's, though), and Sarah asks if she "slept well." Maddy sits in between the couple and launches right in: "I've been thinking. I've really enjoyed my stay and everything, but I really feel like it's time for me to go home." She misses her job, she misses her apartment, she misses having a life of her own. Leland tells her that though they'll miss her very much, "we understand completely." As a shot of the phonograph playing this song obscures the entire frame, Sarah tells her that she's been a great proxy-daughter around the place, and Leland asks if she'll come back and visit. She will. "It's all right," he continues. "Just know that we love you very much." She loves them, too. Wonderful world, indeed.

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Twin Peaks

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