Twin Peaks
Episode Fourteen

Episode Report Card
Unless General Smarminess Is A Crime

Police station. Ben stands defiant as he's dragged into the foyer and then down to the holding cell by Hawk and Andy. Cooper and Truman turn around to spy the Log Lady in the lobby. She speaks, apropos of no one caring: "We don't know what will happen or when." No, you certainly don't. Oh, more? Sorry. "But there are owls in the Roadhouse." Cooper asks, "But something is happening. Isn't it, Margaret?" She says it is. The world begs to differ. And I mean BEGS.

The moon. Moodily blowing fog. Mooooooooody.

And now, a silly ol' subplot made suddenly brilliant. Pete Martell makes up a sandwich and a glass of milk (awwww. Raise your hand if you want Pete to be your kindly ol' grampa) in his totally darkened kitchen. He hears sound coming from the front door, and turns to see the mysterious Mr. Tojamura enter the room. Pete is terrified. But not so scared as he's about to become, when the previously stoic Asian businessman grabs Pete by the shoulders and begins kissing his passionately. The plate and glass crash to the floor, but Pete pushes him away and yells, "I don't care WHAT I did in college. It was only experimentation." Oh, wait. Delete delete delete. Weird how he doesn't say that at all. Totally violated in a way that would ordinarily require him to run away and tell a parent, a friend, or a trusted member of the clergy, Pete pushes Tojamura away and growls in unfamiliar anger, "Say, look here, buster, just watch it." Tojamura continues courting, "Since the moment we met, I have been strangely attracted to you." Pete tells him to get the hell out, so Tojamura is forced to utilize some previously unseen feminine wiles in speaking in a decisively Piper Laurie-esque voice, "There's something about your eyes. So warm and deep." Back to Tojamura voice, in case we didn't get it (Pete doesn't), "and blue as the sky." She takes off the glasses. "It's me!" Hey, it's Katherine! And much as I was intrigued by the radical innovation of a little man/man action in the 50+ set (on second thought, ew) in primetime, it's nice to have Katherine back. Pete thinks so, too, hugging her and crying, "You look terrible! Just terrible!" No two men getting heavy on Twin Peaks for us today. No need for scouring the OED for alternate meanings of "moodily blowing." Wow, that was really tasteless.

Whoosh, whoosh. Trees of the flora species Moodus Blowius. This imagery, sadly, will not make like a tree and get outta here.

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Twin Peaks




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