Twin Peaks
Episode Six

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Polly Wanna Smack 'Er

Props to amorgan, for breaking down and breaking the code of silence. Twice! Oh, and 'cause she's my new girlfriend, too.

Same episode, Part the Second. Maybe we'll discover who that dang varmint is who shot Mr. Burns after all. I think it was Tito Puente. Let's wait and see!

The moon is half-full tonight as Cooper continues to stand in shock, watching Audrey in his bed at the Great Northern. Yeah, Coop, I know it's a pretty pivotal development for the arc of the show as a whole, but you do realize the moon was full to the point of bursting at the start of this episode's first hour, do you not? So unless you've been standing there for the better part of this two-week waning cycle, biding your time until Audrey becomes legal, I'd say it's time to put that gun down (yeah, wink wink) and start asking some questions. Two whole weeks. Damn, those Scandinavians know themselves a whole lotta drinking songs.

Inside the room, a decisively whispery Cooper tells an explicitly defrocked Audrey, "You're a high school girl. I'm an agent of the FBI." Which was not already mondo-apparent from his proudly donned navy blue windbreaker screaming "FBI" in sewn yellow letters upwards of seven times like it's the team uniform for the elected captain of some intergovernmental color war. She asks, whispery, if she should leave, and he Chinese riddles right back, "What I want and what I need are two different things." He offers a pithy speech about upholding the values of the Bureau and his quest for moral purity and you-haven't-been-a-high-school-student-since-the-Coolidge-administration-but-you-play-one-on-TV and it's-impossible-to-get-the-smell-of-sex-out-of-this-governmentally-sanctioned- windbreaker-anyway and blah blah blah statutorycakes. Awwww. How can their love be so wrong when it feels so right...to me? She counters his this-is-wrongitude with the simple inquiry, "But don't you like me?" He does, but he believes that what Audrey needs right now, "more than anything else, is a friend. Someone who'll listen." He hands her a handkerchief and she wipes her snotty nose, probably right into the words "no, really, he's in the FBI" stenciled in yellow across the center of the fabric. And, finally, happy with the "friends" consolation, she smiles big, and I remember again why Sherilyn Fenn, even with the pillbox-requiring hair and the small amount of meat she adds to her bones later in the series, remains so much more in the hearts and minds of the American populace than a very, very, very rich man's Monica Lewinsky. Cooper is going to run downstairs and get them some food, and when he returns, he promises, "I want you to tell me all of your troubles." She warns him that this chore could "take all night" ("and then there was the time I was crazy, and then there was the time I was really, really crazy, and oh by the way have you met my brother, and where the hell is my mom these days, anyway?") and that she can't share all of her secrets. He responds, "Secrets are dangerous things, Audrey." He doesn't have any secrets. Audrey tells him that Laura was, as we have been told by another character familiar with the general locale of Cooper's bed, "filled with secrets." He says it's his job to figure out what those secrets were. Cooper makes for the door as one last shot of a sheet-cloaked Audrey causes that one last primally pubescent urge in me to volley at the screen, "I'll be more than a friend, Audrey!" before I reread the entirety of my first six recaps and shrug in resignation, considering the amount of time and energy I've already expended homing in on Bobby. I will be alone forever.

Establishing shot of the Sheriff's Station. Andy walks through the front door and tentatively approaches Lucy's desk. Oy. Lucy. MTV's first six years in existence called. It wants its poofy, Bananarama-esque haircut back. Not to be outdone, Andy's ferret-like 'do rises up from his scalp without the benefit of gel or spray in an inadvertent style I can only describe as a "Caesar's retarded little brother" cut. Lucy bids him her downtrodden and detached "good morning, Officer Brennan," and he responds that he wishes she would stop calling him that. Remaining aloof, she tells him that it is not convenient for her to talk to him right now as this is "peak activity time at the station switchboard," and dives at the next ringing phone to illustrate her point. She tells the caller to hold and then waits for Andy to skulk miserably off before resuming her call: "Doctor Stanicek?" (Thank you, closed captioning, for the prompt and ostensibly accurate spelling of that name. I'm glad to see our conflicts from last week have been expeditiously resolved.) Anyway, there's news. Sad news. She hangs up, sings a quick verse of the remake version of "I'm Your Venus" (no, really, she doesn't, but that HAIR), and looks gloomy some more. Cooper walks in, whistling into his whittled creation as he so often does, and plot develops in our general direction when he informs Lucy that he heard she was out sick yesterday. She volunteers, barely above a whisper, that she's "much better today," and Cooper seems convinced in a not-at-all-convinced kind of way.

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