Twin Peaks
Episode Sixteen

Episode Report Card
3 USERS: A+
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Scream '90

Mama Legs sits at the counter of the Double R eating an omelet. She takes a bite and, in horror, spits it back onto the plate with a protracted gagging sound (okay, that is SO much more yucky than lingering shots of a grisly murder site. Who's with me?) and snarks, "Whatever fowl did you take these eggs from?" Norma asks if that means her mother doesn't like them, and Mama Legs adds, "I'm afraid I'm going to run into a thumb tack." Norma sighs all angrily and tells her mother that she's tried "so hard," but that Mama Legs doesn't have a positive word for anything she's ever done. Domineering mom, put-upon nothing-is-good-enough daughter, we get it. Poor Norma. Without her soapy alienation from true love Ed keeping her character afloat, her plot arc has devolved into her acting out the title role in a live-action teleplay of a Cathy comic strip. Mama Legs retorts that she supports Norma wholeheartedly, adding, "the menus are very presentable." Norma doesn't think that's so funny. She'll have to wait in line to register that grievance with the board, I'm afraid. And so Mama Legs tries to be of actual assistance around the place: "If you want to serve a truly memorable omelet, try white veal sausage and morel mushrooms." Norma snarks that she'll "go pick the mushrooms." Oh, Cathy. Will you never win?

Sitting alone down the counter is Deputy Andy, gazing into a piece of pie he can't seem to get around to eating and haltingly reciting "J'ai une âme solitaire." Donna happens by (oh, I guess she was in the Double R, after all) and hears him, stopping to ask, "What did you say?" Andy, not yet willing to share the knowledge of the Berlitz Guide to Elegant Suicides tapes he has been rigorously studying, denies having said anything at all. When she presses further, Andy merely volunteers that "it's French," before going silent again, perhaps in the fear that his pronunciation is so unadulteratedly BAD that he fears Donna is going to return to her group of cool friends at Twin Peaks High and tell them all, "So that weird police guy was sitting alone in the diner repeating, 'I crave your eye drop fork, Freakzilla' over and over and over again." Which he might as well be saying. Donna presses and presses, to the point that the once-and-future Mr. Donna Hayward jumps in and asks, "Donna, what's the big deal?" Shut up, fetus. Why she agreed to marry you is so far beyond my grasp of comprehension. She needs to bail, get out, run, cut the cord. Oooh. Just when I thought I was out of hackneyed fetus jokes for good. Lucky for you I wasn't. Donna asks Andy how he knows Mrs. Tremond, whose grandson first spoke those words to her back in the halcyon cream corn days. But Andy clarifies that he only knows those words from Harold Smith's suicide note. Donna looks perplexed: "I need to find Agent Cooper." She runs out and James follows. Andy repeats the line egregiously one more time: "I roller-skate with dolphins who are scrapy." Man, he really needs to get back to those tapes.

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Twin Peaks

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