Twin Peaks
Episode Twenty-Eight (1)

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Yoko, Oh No!

Pies. Pies everywhere. We're over at the Double R, Norma "The Not Squad" Jennings carrying a tray of three pies to the counter and announcing to Shelley "Central Park Career Gone South" Johnson and Annie "Yoko" Blackburn, "Well, here's our contribution to the Miss Twin Peaks gala buffet. And I fully expect to see one of you up there in the winner's circle." Yoko monotones, "Dream on, Norma," and Norma shoots back, "This is the biggest day of the year for us [it is?], and we have to have somebody up there who really deserves this title. Especially this year." Annie non-sequiturs for the sake of circularity because they just found out that this is practically last episode OF ANYTHING they'd ever film, asking, "You mean Laura Palmer?" Does Yoko mean that Laura was the last, lamented winner, or was that question a quiet celebration of the fact that the judges will consider a participant who is featured repeatedly in the opening credits but who never transcends the acting level of "dead once the camera rolls." Shelley reminds Norma that this is the twentieth anniversary of Norma's victory in the pageant, and she tosses back, "Look at you! You're already working on the judge!" That's right. Norma's a judge, too! Who is she going to pick? One of the many deserving, talent-filled women of the neighborhood? Or one of her two employees, one of whom she just told "has to win"? She'd better hope Charles Van Doren looks dynamite in his swimsuit competition. Because the fix has never been so in.

Ben "I Ain't Afraid Of No Ghostwood" Horne walks into his office, a stack of books in each hand, to find Audrey "In-Zane In The Membrane" Horne sitting in front of the fire wearing a bright red, entirely chastity-free fuck-me-oh-wait-you-already-did dress and looking very, very mournful. Ben greets her by calling her "the most intelligent face that I have seen all day. You make the rest of us look like primates." Actually, that would be the carrots, but my father never said anything that nice to me, so we'll just celebrate this darling familial companionship and move on. Audrey asks about the books, so Ben sits down next to her and shows her several religious texts including the Koran and the Old Testament and informs her, "I hold in my hands those holy books which constitute the fundamental framework of humanity's philosophy of good. Somewhere in here are the answers that I seek, and intend to read them cover to cover until…" Audrey cares like we care and Audrey does not care, so Ben catches himself mid-espousal and sympathizes, "Look at me, prattling on. It's Jack, isn't it?" It is. It is. Audrey hopes that she'll feel better soon, and Ben offers the ageless advice that "time heals all wounds." Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that between the Kabala and the Haggadah he had a copy of 14,000 Things To Be Happy About wedged in there somewhere. He continues on, "I know how it feels. Believe me." Eileen Hayward reference? The far more likely "hasn't seen his own wife in the hallways of the house they share for over two months" reference?

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Twin Peaks

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