Twin Peaks
Episode Twenty-One

Episode Report Card
Djb: C+ | Grade It Now!
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James Marshall is a really bad actor

Shelley looks up to see -- again -- only Leo's hulking silhouette (I wasn't aware that the average stint spent in the shadowlands between life and death caused one to become, in fact, Darkman, but everything I needed to know I learned from Twin Peaks, so…), holding the telltale silhouetted soap-and-sock instrument of spousal retribution. He speaks: "Bad girl." Goddamn, if someone didn't get up on the wrong side of the frontal lobotomy today. Leo lobs the sock at her feet, and after recoiling in horror, Shelley leaps up and tries the back door to find it locked. She makes it to a silverware drawer and yanks out the sharpest knife this side of a Ginsu infomercial (though if there's one person I could see ordering her knives off the television, it would be the one who sits though the commercials for the product during an average daytime episode of Invitation to Love: "Cuts through aluminum! And undead husbands, too!"), brandishing it all wildly and almost whispering, "I'll kill you." Clearly, though, she shocks audiences and Leo alike when the modifying pronoun "you" turns out to be the unfinished plastic walls of the house, which she begins to stab at wildly and shriek for help. Silhouette Sam grabs her shoulder and tosses her back, growling like a monster while his Bride of Frankenstein heaps into the corner and the knife slides across the floor. Back outside, Bobby marches up, all the unwitting savior, all the "I'll pay the rent" guy of that "You must pay the rent" game we all played when we were five. Leo rounds the corner with an axe and knocks over the table, and as Bobby makes for a window after finding the door locked, Leo's arms punches through the glass and almost takes him down. Leo's arm raises the slo-mo axe. Bobby makes it into the house via the non-insulation, and grabs at the axe just as Leo prepares to lower the boom on Shelley. Leo turns and pins Bobby up to the wall by his neck with the axe. Shelley, meanwhile, has decided that she's one "I'll be right back" away from meeting the USDA quota for the most hackneyed horror conventions ever, and grabs for the forgotten knife, plunging it into Leo's leg. He screams and limps out of the house via the nonsulation, screaming all the way. Screaming into the night. Shelley and Bobby hug. Awwww. Shelley: "But I can't pay the rent!" Bobby: "I'll pay the rent!" Shelley: "My hero!" Leo: "Curses! Foiled again!" Um. Some of that dialogue didn't really happen. Actually, Leo says, "Rats. Foiled again."

Cooper, Showgirls hair in full splendor, stretches his back and acts his way through his "I'm a tired, tired man" arsenal with the deep sighs and what-have. Searching For Slobby Fischer lies on a gurney in the middle of Truman's office, and a flashbulb photo of him (hardly the first "Say cheese! You can't! You're dead!" moment in show history) is followed by a sheet being draped over his body. As he's wheeled out of the room and the show and my brother and I realize we are quickly running out of opportunities to snicker and make fun of the word "hobo" (remember, it's 1991, people), Truman enters with two cups of coffee and hands one to Cooper, because the best part of waking up is this still-running theme in my cup. Truman confirms that there were "no fibers, no prints" found at the crime scene, adding, "If it is Earle, he didn't miss a beat." Heh. "If." I love that Truman is still holding out for the possibility that some disgruntled employee of the Parker Brothers games empire is off on a tear. Dude. It's Earle. He's checked your mate. Sunk your battleship. Connected four. It's Earle. And the already-strained "playing games" metaphor limps behind "just a pawn" and "my pappy was an ice cube" for a little medical attention of its own.

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Twin Peaks

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