Twin Peaks
Episode Twenty-Six

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Bottle of red, bottle of white

But Earle is soon to change tacks, as we must remember that he is EVIL and does not like good. So, after describing the happy fun place with the sylphs and leprechauns and frolicking unicorns and orange stars and purple horseshoes and other ephemera from The World's Most Vividly Rendered Lucky Charms Commercial, he continues, "Generally speaking, a ghastly place. Reeking of virtue's soul smell." 'Cause he's evil, see. As the prattling prattles with pratilious prattlization, we pan across the room to find Leo "…" Johnson listening as intently as his rapidly-deteriorating cerebral cortex will allow. Earle finishes up his description of the White Lodge, moving on to let Leo know, "I am happy to point out that our story does not end in this wretched place of saccharine excess." Because he's evil, so he doesn’t like good. Check. "There's another place -- its opposite -- a place of almost unimaginable power, chock full of dark forces and vicious secrets. No prayers dare enter this frightful maw." "Maw"? "Gambol"? "Super karate monkey death car"? What's going on? And what's going on with the casting call in this room, as we pan to the far end of the room to find that Leo is not Earle's only guest at the rustic all-night poetry slam? Sitting at a desk clear across the room is a guy sporting long hair and a bandana, listening intently. Earle goes on: "This place I speak of is known as the Black Lodge. And I intend to find it." Bandana pipes up from the back, "Hey, man. The story's cool. But you promised me beer. You told me there was gonna be a party!" Oh, crap. Earle's cracked open the door to the Black Lodge ever so slightly, and the impenetrable evil known the world over as "the forgotten members of Stryper" came pouring out into the sullied woods. Darn stupid Black Lodge. Windom, unbothered by the interruption, picks up the pan flute and plays a familiar tune. God. This Badalamenti pan-flute love is totally getting out of control. This is like when George Harrison started hanging out with the maharishi and was all, "Hey, other Beatles! You know what would make this song sound better? Sitar! And you know what would make those corn flakes taste better? Sitar! Oh, and a lot of LSD." Anyway, it's exactly like that.

Martell's Wood-Paneled Palace. Pete regards a chess board, moving pieces around and all forlornly saying, "I think that I shall never see a girl as lovely as Josie. When she walks into a room…" He pauses long enough for me to volley the usual variation on, "I want to hit her with a broom." But he says some silly thing about flowers and blooming and what have you. He repeats the poem, but his monotone is interrupted by the sudden arrival of "Whatever Happened To Baby" Katherine Martell, who screams for no apparent reason, "Oh, stop your obsessive invoking!" I think that's what she said. Thanks for the script doctoring, Mr. Earle. I guess she doesn't think Josie was the same kind of gambling maw as some others in the room, eh? And then she really slams further into the room, sans gamboling of any kind. She reminds Pete that Thomas Eckhardt left her the box that now contains her entire relevance to this show's action, expositing that she's "been trying to open it for days. I want it open. I want it open now." Pete takes the box and dumb-hicks away, "You got a key?" Katherine reminds him that if she had a key, the box would probably be open by now. Pete notes that "it doesn't even have a keyhole," remarking, "It's a puzzle box!" A what? Oh. "The trick is to fit the pieces together just so." Katherine asks how long that process can last, and Pete tells her, "It could take years." And thus unspools the beginning of perhaps my favorite utterly random subplot available for late-series exploration. Stick around, y'all. This one's a true pleasure. Because it's about a box.

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Twin Peaks

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